We've arrived at straight shots of vodka now. I did 50 crunches, 100 sit-ups, 50 oblique twists, 30 leg lifts, 30 straddle lifts, 30 pike lifts, 50 plies,, 10 L holds, and lot's of stretching. Consumption today includes 1/2 cup 2%milk (60) +mixed berries (90) + black coffee (10) + miso soup (35) vodka (120) + chocolate (150) = 465 Wow, I even included an extra 60 for vodka I haven't drank yet. Maybe I'll just hold off and stay at 405...
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Tonight it's going to be a mango smoothie with vodka (150) Other than that, I've had miso soup (35) a banana (110) and 1tbs peanut butter 90. That's 385 for the day. Maybe I won't have the smoothie and just take the shots straight. I've never been much of a drinker before ... I'm so ready for a change.
I'm just sitting at home getting drunk off of martinis trying to forget my problems. I don't know if I really like martinis, but whatever... I'm also soaking some fruit and gummi candy in vodka. Anything to get out of my head for a while. Once the new year, I'm going to just completely give myself over to Ana. I don't care about anything else at the moment. ***This is a post I wrote last night that I was too drunk to even press enter, waiting for me when I woke up. I couldn't even remember it***
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
So today is the official beginning of my juice fast. I have all the supplies and I made a big thing of juice yesterday, so here we go! I don't actually have a juicer, so what I do is blend everything up really well in my Ninja blender, then I pour it through a strainer and press all of the remaining juice out of the pulp with a spatula. It takes a little bit of work, but it will be worth it. I'm starting out at 132 :/ (my BF brought home a chicken sandwich with fries last night, and I couldn't refuse it because he made it himself at work.) The good ting is, I work all weekend, and he does too, so he doesn't really see if I eat or not. So December 14-21 just juice, then 22&23 I'll move onto smoothies. Today's recipe is Mean Green Juice to "reboot you system." Here's the recipe 1 cucumber, 4 celery stalks, 2 apples, 6-8 leaves kale, 1/2 lemon, 1 tbsp ginger. Apparently you can lose 7-10 lbs in a week, and I know it will be a lot of water weight, but it's a start. I would love to be between 122-125. It's hard to know how many calories exactly are in these juices because when you juice, you're taking out all of the solid stuff and fiber from the fruit and vegetables. The website with the recipe for this juice says a whole batch is 373 calories. Let's round up to 400. Only 400 calories a day for a week? That's awesome :) That's 2800 in and if I need 2000 calories per day that's a burn of 14,000 this week. 14,000-2800= 11,200/3500= 3.2 lbs That means that even if a lot of the weight is water weight, at least 3.2 pounds of it will be real weight loss. I hope to use this experience to cleanse my body of toxins, lose weight, and think about spiritual matters in the days before Christmas. I hope I have the will power to make it through. Cheers <3
Thursday, December 13, 2012
One week , pure juices only. My BF is semi joining in with me, and I can't wait! I bought so many fruits and veggies today. Apples (green and red), cucumbers, cabbage, tomatoes, peppers (red, green, and yellow), celery, spinach, bokchoy, Swiss chard, carrots, limes, lemons, oranges, blueberries, strawberries, pineapple, peaches, mango, and bananas. I'm super excited for this. I'll try to go for a week, and expect to be in the mid to low 120s by the end of this. I'll post a before pic tomorrow along with juice recipe of the day if anyone wants to join in. :) Any takers? P.S. Please leave comments with your fasting tips and experiences. (juice fasting, water, any other type?) Thanks <3 Sunshine
Monday, December 10, 2012
I've been doing a lot better with restricting. My body is going to be so thin and delicate by Christmas that you won't believe it. I'm so excited to see the changes that are going on. I just want to see those ribs and hip bones. There is nothing more beautiful than that. I want the hip bones that go all the way up and around to the back. Today I've had a fiber one brownie (90) Absolute zero monster (0) a piece of bread with very thin jam and peanut butter (150) and for dinner a spinach and feta salad (100) with an egg (70). I always estimat high so I'm not disappointing My total is about 410. That's so awesome. I just have to make it through the night, and then tomorrow is another day. If i can do another 400 cal day on Tuesday and Wednesday and then fast Thursday and Friday then 600 in Saturday and Sunday, my week will be at least 12,000 deficit which is like 3.5 pounds down. Oh how I wish. Hopefully, I can keep it under control.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
I want to hold out until Thanksgiving. I've been empty for a whole day already, so I just have to make it until Thursday... Anyone want to join me? Oh, and my scale is broken and won't turn on, so I have to get a new one, because not knowing is killing me.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Sorry I forgot to post this before hand, but my boyfriend just had surgery and I've been waiting on him hand and foot. I haven't had much time to do anything but care for him. Tomorrow, I'm starting out a cleanse to get all of this nasty Halloween candy out of me. Regular post resume tomorrow. <3 Sunshine
Friday, October 19, 2012
I just realized that I missed my 2 year anniversary on blogger! September 28th, 2010 I started my blog and my topsy turvey journey down the rabbit hole.Below is my first ever post on Blogger . It's funny, because on my one year anniversary last year I reposted this as well, but with this comment afterwards:I think it's funny how much my mindset has changed about this whole thing in a year. Ana means so much more now and is just on a whole different level than last year. I'm finally getting my head together and I love this feeling. I hope to still be around on this blog next year :) Well, I'm still here, and still going strong. I feel like I wouldn't know what to do at all if I wasn't restricting and fasting and tracking and weighing and hoping and failing and restarting and losing. I have decided that I will show no mercy from now until I get to my goal weight. If I binge ( Which I will not!) I will make it come back out and I will fast the whole next day. Today is a turning point. The beginning of the rest of my life. Hipbones,abs,collarbones,abs and thigh gap. Year three is where it begins. ~~~9/28/2010 So it begins...
Ok, so I'm new to this whole blogging thing. and to pro ana stuff in general. I need a place to let this all out because I can't talk to anyone about this. It's my little secret :) I know I have a problem. Is it really a problem if I don't want to change. This all started with a school project where I had to write a research paper about anorexia. I was so fascinated by the subject. At first, I thought it was a huge problem, but I quickly began to see the appeal of a pro ana lifestyle. For a while, I didn't think about it much. Then, I was at gymnastics the other day, and it came into my head again. I was training with my boyfriend and something he said just set it off. I couldn't do a skill that I should be able to do. I joked saying " maybe I'm just too weak and fat to do this" His reply was " maybe you are" He was totally joking but and I know he was, but a little voice in my head said " maybe he's right..." It's been a week since that comment was made. I've been on pro ana sights every day, hoping and desriring for that control. Control over myself. Control over food. That emptiness in my stomach makes me feel whole. With each calorie cut, I win a tiny battle with myself. I think that I am slowly spiriling into an eating disorder, yet I do nothing to pull myself out. If ana knocks upon my door, I know I will let her in. I wonder where this path will take me...
Sorry I haven't been posting consistently for a while. I just got done with midterms week, and I'm so glad it's behind me :) I think I did pretty well. I've decided that it's time to try something out that I've been thinking of for a while. I love animals so much, and seeing them hurt or suffering just breaks my heart. Starting today, I'm going vegetarian, maybe even eventually vegan, but we'll take this one step at a time for now. I'm gonna try it out for a week, see how it goes, and then go from there. Any tips, advice, pros/cons, recipes? I know a lot of my readers are vegetarian/vegan, and I'd love to hear from you. On another note, I've been stuck at 130 all week. I think it's almost that time of the month, so that may be to blame :/ I really want to try out the sacred heart diet but vegetarian style. Does anyone have experience with this diet? Sorry I'm so full of questions today. <3 Sunshine
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Day one of SGD went great! I had some veggies for lunch with hummus( 25) , some crackers before gymnastics (95), and a fiber one brownie after (90). I kinda caved in and had an ice cream (150) total calories = 360. Not too bad at all :) Oh! Guess what? I weighed in this morning at ... 129.6!!! I'm finally under 130 again, and it feels great. I am walking with my head held high, victorious <3 This is amazing. Oh my goodness gracious. I am astounded at how easy restricting has become. In 10 days, I have lost 7.8 lbs. I hope I can keep up a pace of .5lbs per day. My family event is on Sunday, so I have today and 4 more days to lose weight. So, hopefully, I can lose at least 2 lbs by then. Only 6.6lbs to go until I reconsider my plan :) Just gotta keep pushing <3 Stay strong
Monday, October 8, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
So, lately I've become more obsessed than usual with getting thigh gap. I don't know why, but I am absolutely obsessed with it lol So I am currently sitting at 132lbs. BMI 20.1. I picked up this horrible habit the past few months of smoking at night an then binging like crazy. Well, I say no more. I've been restricting like crazy for 1 week now, and I brought my weight down from 137.4. I know I can do this is I keep pushing. I mean, losing 5.4lbs in one week from restricting? That's awesome! The key here is to just keep pushing and never binge like that again. I'm serious, I would starve myself all day and then lose it at night and seriously eat like a half pizza, a sandwich, yogurt, chips, rice, bread, candy, seriously, I gained 8 lbs in one night once. Most of it was probably food weight, but it still made me feel horrible. Anyways, I'm back on track now, and I will not lose my focus. I have a family function on the 14th, so that gives me 9 days. Apparently I need 2200 calories per day to maintain my weight. I will be 129 or less by then. That's -3lbs. (-10,500 calories) Divide that by 9 = -1200 per day. I can eat up to 1000 per day, but I'm gonna stick to 700 per day. That will give me a daily deficit of 1,500 x 9days = 13,500/ 3,500= -3.87lbs. I could be at 128 by then :) Honestly though, I could lose 5lbs by then. 127 ahhhhh.... I am obsessed. Sorry for all the mathematics It soothes me lol Today I had 1/2 cup blueberries (42) and 10 medium strawberries (50). I might have some soup for lunch (160) So that would bring me to 252 calories for the day but I'll round up to 300 just to be safe. So that's -1900, tomorrow I'll have around 500 because I work all day so that's -1700, Sunday will be around 700 so I'll have - 1,500. For the weekend, that's a gran total of -5,100 or 1.45lbs. I would love to be 130 by Monday morning. Well, time for me to stop obsessing. I'm going to catch up on blog reading and do some abs before work. Stay strong lovlies <3
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Leave me alone. Please, get out of my head. I know I invited you in, but really, it's time for you to go. You've stripped me of my flesh. You've stolen my light. I am an empty house of bones. Once so tempted to see what lay beneath my skin. We peeled back the layers together. Ounce by ounce. Pound by pound. My identity was torn away. There is nothing left to hide behind. All eyes are on you. Isn't this what you wanted? Come one, come all! See the amazing glass girl. Delicate, hollow, fragile. Watch her shatter into a million pieces. Watcher her sparkle and fade on the wind. Scattered through the sky, a million shining stars. The night has finally come.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Hello lovely readers. You know how sometimes people leave horribly mean and rude comments on your blog, and you think it's probably best to just ignore or delete the comment? I prefer to call them out and set them straight. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, If you do not approve of pro-ana blogs or weight loss blogs, get the hell away from my site! Seriously, if you don't like what I'm doing,then why are you browsing through my page? Here is the post that was commented on if you want to check it out. This is what was said, AnonymousSeptember 26, 2012 9:23 AM
"You are waaay too skinny and you look like you have some type of eating disorder. 50 years ago, men would have avoided you like the plague because you look sickly.
Meet season is starting up soon for gymnastics, so everyone is paranoid about getting everything perfect and cutting weight before the first meet, November10th. Some very taumatizing things were said this week. Ok so, traumatizing thing #1, I got up on the low bar and was going to the high bar and this little tiny 8 year old girl says to me, "Geeze, don't break the bar!" Seriously!? I'm sorry that I'm not 3ft tall and 42lbs. STFU. Traumatizing thing #2 This was said by another girl on the team that was staring at me " It's so weird. Your stomach is so flat and tiny and then your thighs are so big." I about died from embarrassment but my coach came in and saved me from hitting her by saying, " It's because she actually has strong muscles in her legs" oooh you should have seen the way her face changed from a mocking know it all smile to angry face. Ha! She's like 12 years old and in that stage of life where she thinks she's all that, and I'm glad somebody put her in her place. Traumatizing thing #3 said by the head coach to all of us, " All of your strength moves will be a lot easier if you cut some weight. Think about it. Less weight your muscles have to support, especially for our taller girls." Then he looked right at me and another girl. And the final traumatizing thing. We were working on a drill where we stacked up mats so they were angled downward at about 45 degree angle. We had to do a hand stand then snap our feet down and do 2 back hand springs down the hill. The little girls had no problem with this but the bigger girls had a little bit of trouble. The coach put a stiffer mat over the squishy mat and suddenly things were a lot easier for the big girls but harder for the smaller girls. He then explained that the squishy mat was harder to do them on for the bigger girls because we sank into the mat instead of bouncing off of it, but we had more leg muscle so we could do it off of the harder surface easier. All I heard was, you're too heavy to do this drill properly so we had to bring in a harder mat for you to do it off of. :/ Oh well just more motivation to cut weight fast. <3 Stay strong
Now that Autumn is here it's time to turn over a new leaf ( Pun fully intended) These past few months, I've learned that if I give myself any sort of leeway , then I completely lose control. SOOO, from here on out, I will have everysinglefreakingmeal planned out before the day even begins. I am so irritated with myself lately. I'll restrict all day, and then as soon as 10PM comes around, all hell breaks loose. Monday-Wednesday, I have gymnastics from 5:30-10:00, so after gymnastics, from now on, no eating. On Thursday and Friday, I work from 5PM- 10PM, so again, no eating once I get home. Saturday, I work all day 10AM- 10PM No eating after work. Sunday, I work 10AM- 4PM and then I go to Mass from 5-6ish. Sunday is the day that I visit my family, so I will just have dinner with them, and that is it. So basically, if I want to eat, it has to be before 5PM except on Sundays. I need to regain control over myself big time. Today, I am fasting all day, until I wake up in the morning. I should probably fast tomorrow as well... Let's see how day one goes, and I'll move on from there. I've just got to take this one day at a time. <3 Stay strong
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Blogger must hate me right now. I keep getting locked out for no apparent reason or it says " unknown user" So so so very frustrating. I am still offering a prize for the weight loss competition, but seeing as I can't get into blogger enough to post consistently, make sure you post your updates to (Size) Zero Intentions. I am not going to weigh in until this thing is over so I can be surprised by my results. I hope everyone is well, and I hope Blogger stops being so ridiculous. <3 Stay strong :)
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
So for some reason I was locked out of blogger. I know what my password is and when I tried to put it in they said it was incorrect and no matter how many time I tried to get in, it wouldn't let me in. I asked for a password reset,tried the new password, still wouldn't let me in... It was so fucking frustrating that I wanted to throw my laptop out of the window. In the mean time I've been binging and purging like crazy. This is so weird for me because I've ever really had a problem with b/p. I think it might be from all of the stress I've been going through lately with school, my mom telling me I'm not welcome in her family, and competition season starting for gymnastics soon, My head is finally starting to clear up, and I'm getting back to restricting properly. My weight is right back where I started at, and that infuriates me to no end. I'm tired of trying to do this in a healthy way. That just leads to binging. I'm going to come up with weekly menus that I have to follow to the letter, or I will have to fast all the next day. I'm so mad at myself right now. I need to lose as much weight as possible, at lest 3lbs per week for the rest of this challenge. Hopefully I'll be down 12 lbs by the end of this. I need some serious help and support right about now.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
I woke up in the middle of the night with the most horrible stomach cramps. I couldn't even stand up straight. It was so damn painful. Then I started puking and it was just so horrible. The good thing is, I can't even think about eating. When I weighed in on Monday, I was stuck at 131. Somehow my weight went up, but I am about to start my period, so I could be retaining water. School is going well so far, so that's good. How is everyone doing with the weight loss? I'm going to go lay down and try to sleep this off.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
First of all, let me say I'm so so so sorry. My internet has been on the fritz and I haven't been able to post anything at all :( Comment on this post with your weigh in please! :) I really need to update the contest page. I promise to post every day. Classes start Monday, and I have a pretty big space between two of them, so I'll have lots of free time to post. So, I worked really hard last week, and got down to 130.8! Soooo close to my first goal weight. Then I lost it and totally binged ( and purged :/ ) like crazy for 2 days. My weight shot up to 137.8. I was absolutely disgusted with myself, so I fasted all yesterday and worked my ass off. I weighed in this morning at 132. I guess I was retaining a lot of water. I think I might keep fasting today as well then eat very very light ( under 700) Saturday and Sunday. Hopefully I can get under 130 by the Monday weigh in. Please update and let me know how things are going.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Fat Piggy @ (Size) Zero Intentions. Secondly, I know what I will be offering up as a prize :) I am going to make a wonderful redbracelet for the winner that looks like this picture but with red beads :) Also, I am going to use a synthetic leather cording because I know we have a lot of animal lovers out there and I want to be sensitive to that <3 What do you think?
" And the Day Came When the Risk it Took to Remain Tight Inside a Bud was More Painful Than the Risk it Took to Blossom"
This time is for real. I can feel it happening. The magic of being empty is really taking over again. I don't know why, but the end of summer always seems to spell out new beginnings for me. I cheated this morning and weighed myself :) I really couldn't help it. I was so hungry when I woke up this morning that I couldn't resist the temptation because I knew I would be down, and I was. ( But I won't reveal the number just yet) All I had yesterday, even though I cheated on my diet, was 1/4 of a roast beef sandwich (200), some fries (300), and 1Tbs.peanut butter (95). I feel like I estimated a bit high on the fries and sandwich, but it's better to be safe than sorry. So I came out under 600 and that's just fine by me. I need to keep it up <3 How's everyone else doing?
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
So here we go! :) Who's up for the weight loss challenge? I'm going to make a page for the challenge and post up all the stats so we can all stay motivated and accountable. Check out (Size) Zero Intentions to see who else is in, and see who you're competing with. So here are my starting stats 5'8'' 133lbs BMI= 20.2 Wow I feel so damn fat posting up that number. I hate being above 19. I hope to be at 129 by monday. I think it's totally possible, because that my weight after majorly binging last night on candy and chips. Than my BMI will be at 19.6 and I can feel light again. I think for this first week of the weight loss challenge my strategy will be to only eat fruit, veggies, and a tiny bit of lean dairy. Absolutely no meat, bread, candy, pasta, cake, cookies, or anything of the sort. Hopefully I can make it through. I'm tempted to do my apple and coffee/ zero cal energy drink fast. I lost 11lbs in 10 days on that, and I really really want to do it again. thats a 1.1 lb per day loss, so I could lose 7.7 lbs in a week and be at 125.3 ... If only , if only. Any way, fill me in on your stats and let's get this competition started!!! Oh by the way, what should I offer up as a prize?
Monday, August 6, 2012
Well , this is it. As sad as it is to say, we are just about in the last month of summer. In a way, I'm kind of sad. On the other hand, I'm excited for fall weather, back to school, sweaters, leggings and boots. I am determined by this time to have thigh gap! I really want to be able to rock the look from the picture above. Soooo, I was reading some blog posts last night, and on a lovely little blog that I read , (Size) Zero Intentions, (Go check it out now! ), I saw that she is hosting a weight loss competition and offering up a prize to the first place. I am totally in for a weight loss competition, and I wanted to offer a prize to the first place as well :) So here goes. The competition will last for a month and you have to weigh in every Monday and post it up on Blogger. We will calculate percentage lost each week , and whoever has the highest percentage lost wins! I haven't yet decided what I'll offer as a prize, but I'll post a pic of it tomorrow. It will be something very nice, I promise. Who's up for the challenge?
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Sorry I don't have time to take pics and everything right now, I'll have to do it tomorrow morning. Here's a quick update on my stats. Bust = 34in Under Bust = 28 Waist = 25 Hip Bones = 33in Around biggest part of my butt = 37in Right arm = 10.75 in Left arm = 11 in Right leg = 22 Left leg = 21.5 Height = 5'8'' Weight 132.8. There's 7 weeks left on this program, so theoretically, if I was losing 2lbs per week, I could lose 14 lbs and I would weigh 118.8 Wow ! That's scary exciting, but I would settle for 122 for now. I really need to redo my goal weights and rewards for this time around. I hope I can lose an inch off my waist, hips, butt, and each leg. I want that damn thigh gap!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Wow, I'm so inconsistent with blogging lately. I'm just trying to stay off of the computer and enjoy my last days of summer before the classes start back up. I will definitely be more consistent once the school year starts back up full swing. I feel like an idiot. I forgot to take some before pictures, measurements,and weight when I started Insanity! I'm so dumb. I will take all of those things down tomorrow morning once I wake up. I am going to work my ass off so hard tonight, because tomorrow is the rest day of this program and I need to burn up as many calories as possible before then. Since I'm not working out tomorrow , I think I'm going to fast all day. I don't need the calories since I'm not working out. I'm also doing a laxative cleanse, and trust me, it's working. I have to take the pills with food, so I'll just have coffee and something healthy under 200 calories in the morning, then go empty all day. Also, I need some new pants for the school year, so I guess it's clothes shopping time :) I'm excited but nervous at the same time. My current jeans are loose in the waist and between the legs so hopefully I've moved down a size or two since I last bought pants. I'm hoping that I weigh in low tomorrow. I saw my weight shoot up to 135 last week from all the binging, and I hate myself for it. On the 19th, I'm seeing an old friend that I haven't seen since May. I have to lose as much weight as possible by then.
I ha ve to be I will be under 130 by then. Without a doubt I will be there. I really need to get off my ass and do my workout. Until tomorrow morning! <3 Sunshine
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Wow! That first workout just kicked my ass, It literally left me shaking on the ground covered in sweat unable to move at times. I love how hard it makes you work. There is no giving up. I took some pictures of me all nice and sweaty afterwards. My hands were shaking so bad when I was trying to hold the camera, so the pictures are kind of blurry. So far today I've had Meal #1= whole wheat pita pocket (100) 1tbs Peanut butter (95) and a lite banana yogurt (80) and Meal #2 = Smoothie made of strawberries (56) 3/4 cup skim milk (63) 1 cup spinach (15) and ice. The program says I should be at 600 by now. I am at 409 :) Why does that make me happy?
So let me tell you why I'm sore. First of all, I had to do my Insanity fitness test yesterday and it kicked my ass :) Then, my boyfriend used a jack hammer to break up some concrete stairs on the side of the house, so I helped him throw rock in the back of a truck and shovel up tons of stone into the truck for about 1 1/2 hours in the blazing 104 degree heat. Then, I went swimming for about 2 hours. My body is broken right now lol and I still need to do my Insanity workout for today. I can't wait to see some results. I still need to take my beginning pic for the program. Oh and did I tell you, my weight has magically gone up to 133 again. I'm so sick of this. It's because of all of the damn late night binges and drinking. ugh. Well I'm done with that. Starting today it's never gonna happen again. I will control myself. The plan has me eating 300 calorie meals 5 times per day so 1500 per day. That seems like an ungodly amount of calories if you're trying to lose weight but idk. Maybe I could eat 250 calorie meals 5 times per day. Thats only 1250 per day. My problem is just that I can't eat every 2 hours like they want me to and it's so much freaking food, but it's supposed to keep your metabolism revved up big time. I'm going to say that each workout will burn 400 + 800 cals from gymnastics ( or waiting tables all day on the days I don't have gymnastics) + my bmr 1400 = So theoretically , if I eat 1200ish per day, I will have a 1,400 daily deficit x 7 = 9800 / 3500(one lb) = 2.8 lbs per week I would lose. So if I just lost 2lbs per week , by the time this9 week program is done, I could be down 18 lbs. T hat's kind of exciting and scary at the same time. I would weigh 115 with a BMI of 17.5. Wow I can't wait to see what happens!!! Look out for a picture post an about 1 1/2 hours :) Oh and I have a question. Does anyone know where I can get a pair of glasses like these? I'm obsessed :)
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Soooo I am so excited for today! First of all, I don't have work for once, so I'm going to go over to my dads house and spend the whole day with my family. It's kind of a big deal because I only get to see them once a week. It's so nice to be able to go over there and not be exhausted from a 6 hour shift waiting tables. Another reason I'm excited is because my brother has the Insanity Fitness Program that you see on TV and he said I can have it!!! I'm gonna do it :) I'm so excited. Does anybody here have any experience with the program? Does it really work? The program is supposed to get your body so tight and healthy. I can not wait :) So now for some bad news. I've been binging every night after work and I'm sure my weight has skyrocketed, but I can't weigh in until tomorrow, so it's killing me. As of today, I am staring over, I am on track, and I will get down to 120 by the August 26 ( The day before classes start) That is the plan everybody, and this time I know I can do it. I go so excited at the thought of fasting that I got butterflies in my stomach. I still need to post vacation pics, sorry! Hopefully tonight I'll upload them :) Until next time, <3 Sunshine
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
A 3 mile run in 103 degree heat :) !!! That's what I get for binging on chocolate last night. At least it was dark chocolate right? This is just a quick update until tonight, but I'm laying out my plan. I'm actually going to follow through with Project Me this time. I'm not going to weigh myself until Monday morning. That is going to be my official weight posting day. I'm starting my running program up again. I'm trying to stay around 1000 calories per day ( Or hopefully a lot under) but a 1200 maximum. I want to lose 2-3 lbs per week. I was doing too well on my trip losing weight so of course I had to ruin it with the heavy Roman food and binging on candy. I am not even going to weigh myself until monday. I'm just gonna work out and diet like crazy until then. I forgot how much I love running. I'm just gonna push myself and push myself until I'm like a piece of steel. I have to go to gymnastics soon, so I'll update about my trip once I get home. <3Sunshine
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Hello everybody!!! Guess who's home from Europe :) This girl <3 Ohhhhh I am so happy to be back. I can't wait to tell you all about my wonderful adventures and to share all of my pictures. Wow there is so much to say and show that I'm a little intimidated my the task honestly. I will have to do this all in installments because nearly a month of adventures is too hard to recount at one time, and I don't want to cut anybody short. Some good news though. The other night, when I first arrived home, my boyfriend and I binged like crazy on Italian candy. Now you may be wondering, how can a binge be a positive thing? Well, it led to a conversation about eating really healthy and getting super strong for the upcoming gymnastics season. I told him we should get really serious about our nutrition, and he was like " ya that sounds like a really good idea, but if I got us eating super healthy, it would be so strict that you wouldn't be able to take it." My response " challenge accepted!" So now it's suddenly ok to obsess about food and exercise and to write down all of my food and exercise in a journal. Without hiding it! My boyfriend is really serious about gymnastics, so if he sees this as me trying to get really serious about training, then he won't question at all what I'm doing :D I am super stoked! Please please, update me on what's been going on in your lives <3 I feel so disconnected
Saturday, June 30, 2012
When I sit on the edge of a chair, knees together, Iv got some major thigh gap. Standing is a different issue, but Im so so so close that if I stick my butt back just a tiny bit, the light shines through. The food in Rome is much heavier. Thank goodness we walk so much and Im only here for four days. I really can't wait to get home and jump on the scale. I want to be at 120 flat this summer. That seems like a good place for me right now then we will talk 117 :) I miss America so badly but Im learning so much about food that minimal calories with the appearance of a lot of food should be a breeze when I get home. I can't wait to arrive in America on the 11th and get down to some serious weight loss. Until next time <3 sunshinechild 69
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Heyyy!! My clothes are getting loose :) just so ya know. Soooo Im going to the sea on Thursday and the Rome on Friday. That means tomorrow , Im going to eat as light as i can. I wish I could fast but its so hard with the Italians watching :/ I walk like 6 or more hours per day now so Im burning a lot off. Probably eating about 1000 per day according to lose it. I will post a full body pic from the sea on Thursday. i am so close to thigh gap that i can feel it. The bones are getting easier to see especially the spine. Soooo Im so so excited. P.s. I've met a lot of analysis girls here. Great thinspo :D I love you all
Friday, June 22, 2012
Ciao! Oh my goodness ! It is so beautiful here!!!! I can't even believe i am actually in Italy. Everything here is just so perfect. It's like a dream. I am very excited also because i can feel pressure from analysis setting in again so losing is going to be so much easier. Also, we only eat three times each day and the food it so light and fearful that it satisfies you quicker so you eat less. Also we walk and move so much that i know Im shrinking. The food is all whole and so clean that feel so healthy. I read something about someone losing ten lbs in Italy so maybe it will happen for me too. Who knows? I have to go now but Ill try to update soon and answer my question i posted. Thank you for all of the responses :) I love you all <3
Saturday, June 16, 2012
I leave in about 9 hours!! AHHHHHHHH I've been so nervous/excited all day that I couldn't eat practically at all. All I had was some trail mix. Ugh I'm so anxious right now, it's crazy. The bags are packed and I guess physically I'm ready, but emotionally, I'm still not there yet. Wow oh wow! I hope I can update while I'm in Italy. If not I wish you all the best of luck, and I'll see you July 11! When I come back, I am going to start posting a question of the day, because I feel like I need to get to know you all better. For today, my question is, what brought you to blogger? I'm going to miss you all <3 Sunshine . Oh P.S. 121.2 ;)
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. 9AM Sunday, I'm outta here. Europe bound baby!! Wow oh wow, I am so nervous/excited/anxious/happy/scared/amazed Too much is going on in my head right now. I still have so much that I need to do and buy and pack. Ahhhhh!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
This is working so well!!! All I had last night was one piece of cinnamon bread (150? I have no idea because it's homemade) Today I had some hot cocoa (100) and that's all. I'm star ting to feel just a little bit hungry. I hope I'm super hungry in the morning. I want to feel myself melting away. I'm so excited that I have Saturday, Sunday, and Monday during the day to not eat. I feel so accomplished I have no cravings right now and I feel so strong. I took some chocolate laxis and I'm planning on turning in early just to make sure that no binges happen. I've been needing this so bad. I'm going to draw some in my sketch book and then turn in early. Goodnight! :)
Thursday, May 24, 2012
My boyfriend, who I live with, will be gone all weekend, and won't return until sometime Monday. He leaves tomorrow at 4:30 AM because he and some friends are driving down there for a friends wedding. This seems like a beautiful opportunity to not have to eat. I started fasting today and I'm going to try and hold out all weekend. Coffee , tea, and water are all that I can have. I am going to use this as an opportunity to restore my system to eating healthy. I have been eating waaaay too much sugar and fats recently. I really hope I can hold out for four days. I know I can do 2 days no problem, but day 3 will be when I work a double at the restaurant. That means from 12- 9:30ish at night. I am going to need a lot of coffee. I'm hoping the the coffee has a laxative effect and clears all of this crap out of my system. I need to be 127 when he comes back. I'm back up around 131 this morning because of how much I binged this week on a fucking chocolate cake I made. UGH!!!!!! Well, no looking back now. I will take a before and after picture and post them on Tuesday along with the final weight after this crazy fast. Please pray I have the strength to make it through <3 Anybody want to fast with me? :)
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Literally, I feel like a walrus right now. I am stuck at 128. Good news my abs are looking better every day. Bad news, I'm 2.1 lbs behind on my weight loss. My thighs do not look any smaller or tighter. I go to Italy in about 4 weeks, so theoretically , I could lose 8 more lbs by Italy and still get to 120. I might need to change things up with my eating and exercise. More running for sure. I'm not feeling too great at the moment. My period is 2 days late and I feel all bloated and disgusting. I kept messing up a skill at gymnastics, so I had to do 50 push ups every time I messed up. I'm so sore right now it's terrible. I need your help ! Tell me, What are your best tips/exercises for thigh gap??
Friday, May 11, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5josfp/:hv3u@bhB:HaJukFCI/www.nypost.com/p/news/international/anorexia_spring_thing_doc_oalVqnCYFyruCZTkdSCmCN/ Omg Check it out! So weird :P What month were you all born?
Monday, May 7, 2012
Sooo, my mom told me " Shopping with you is too hard, and I have no Idea what to give you. Here's $100" Sweet. My dad took me shopping today for my birthday. I got 2 new swim suit tops and 2 bottoms, new head bands, new shorts for over my leotard at gymnastics, some other shorts, a t-shirt, and a Nike+ running thing for my Ipod!! I am so excited to use this bad boy! It tracks time, distance, calories, progress. I am so excited to go running with it. I am going to become a running machine! I can burn more than 500 calories per hour like this : ) I am going to get these damn legs slimmed down. I will have thigh gap by Italy <3
Friday, May 4, 2012
I will still be sticking to the 1200 calories per day, but with a few exceptions. Before, I was just letting myself eat whatever I wanted to as long as I stayed at or under 1200. New rules. No fried foods. No fast food. No take out food. No ordering pizza. Limit cheese, red meat, sugars (except fruit). No ice cream. No chips. No candy. I want 6 weeks of water, fruit, vegetables, lean proteins, nuts, whole grains. I want to clean out my system totally for the first time in my life. Until my next weigh in (Tuesday morning) I can only have raw fruits and vegetables, vitamins, my cleanse pills, water, tea, and honey. I am super stoked. Can I do this? I can and I will. I need these thighs to go away!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
We were running low on groceries, so I went shopping. Usually the BF has me buy pop tarts , chips, cookies, brownies, snack cakes, candy, icecream, cheesy carb loaded stuff, junk. Ugh. It's so hard to say no... Not this time, baby!! I bough a mango, a watermelon, kiwis, bananas, tomatoes, spinach, milk, greek yogurt, pretzles, bottled water, sparkling water, whole wheat bread, havarti cheese, beagles, popsicles. Not too much damage I can do with those ingredients :) Just got to avoid the bread and cheese. I'm excited! 1,200 calories a day of pure fruit veggies and healthy dairy. This will be amazing <3
Don't stop. Please please please don't stop! That is my desperate plea to my metabolism. This 1,200 calories per day thing is really amazing. I was supposed to be at 129.48 lbs I'm at 128.8!!!!! Oh my goodness I can't believe this :D I am so amazed with my body right now, and I can't believe how close my trip is getting and how close I am to my goal weight before the trip! I guess next week I have to post my half way progress pic. I can't wait until I get around 125lbs because last time I was at 125.8 I had some very minuscule thigh gap. s soon as my toes heal up, I am going to start running every single day for an hour. It will be wonderful :) I'm so glad I haven't plateaued yet! This is crazy!! How is everyone else doing? My friend that I'm going to stay with in Italy told me to pack light and to bring mainly dresses and longer skirts. Soo today I made a long skirt that doubles as a strapless dress I'm so crafty lol. I have to power clean the house really quick before the bf gets home! TTYL
Monday, April 30, 2012
Why me? lol Seriously, I don't know how I do this to myself. First, I break my big toe on my left foot on beam. Then, on Wednesday, I broke my big toe on my right foot, and I shattered the nail. It was bleeding everywhere. Yuck. So then, last night, I was having a belated birthday celebration with my family . We did cake and presents and everything and it was all wonderful. I decided to walk around the house on my hands and I made it all the way across the kitchen, and my dad says " Don't kick the light!!" There is a big chandelier in the entry way of the house, and I have no idea why he yelled that, because I would be nowhere close to that high. Anyways, I turned around, and as I was coming out of my hand stand, and I kicked the doorknob. It didn't hurt too bad, but then I looked down and the toe next to my little toe was facing the opposite way. There was this huge space between that toe and the middle toe. It looked like a big V in the middle of my foot. It was disgusting. I had to go to the ER and they had to do x-rays and then they said I dislocated my toe. They put it back in place and taped it to my middle toe so it wouldn't pop back out. I have gymnastics today, and I don't know what my coach is going to say lol Wow I have some screwed up feet now. This post is my excuse for why I couldn't update yesterday :) I think it's a valid excuse, right? I'll do a proper post after gymnastics. <3 Sunshine
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Binged horribly on Saturday and Sunday nights. I'm so scared. If I don't make my weigh in, I will fast and workout like crazy until it's gone. Omg this is so scary. I'm gonna take a laxi to get all of this out of my system. By the way, here is link. Not sure how I feel about sharing this, but here goes. It's a site about how to get started with pro-ana http://proanalifestyle.blogspot.com/2007/07/5-week-plan-to-start-off-with-ana.html See you all tomorrow!
Friday, April 20, 2012
I'm seriously confused with this new format that blogger decided to come out with today. I seriously reloaded my blog several times hoping that it would go away Haha. So, I'm on my period and feeling super bloated, and my abs still look amazing today after my workout yesterday. I can't believe that I have visible abs today. I tried to do another pullup workout last night, but I was so exhausted that I physically couldn't do it :) It makes me happy that I pushed myself to exhaustion last night. No quitting, no excuses. Oooh , by the way, there are some apps that you all need to get on your phone! Idk if they have them for the Iphone or not but I have an android. Look up Pull Ups pro, Push Ups pro, Sit Ups pro, and also look up Squats pro. The 4 aps are free and they should say like Pull Ups Your Personal Fitness Trainer and then it will say the same thing for the other aps but with squats, push ups, and then sit ups. The aps are amazing!! The first time you use it, you do a fitness test to see how many you can do of the exercise at one time. Then, the ap comes up with a daily workout plan for you. It's awesome! For the push up one, you put your phone on the floor and then each time you do a push up you have to touch your nose or chin to the phone so it counts your push ups. The training programs get you to be able to do 100 pushups in a row, 20 pullups, 200 sit ups, and 200 squats. It tracks your progress each day and also calories burned. The aps are easy to use and seriously fun and motivating. Please get them if you have a smart phone! They will help you to get in awesome shape for summer <3
Thursday, April 19, 2012
I got off of work really early tonight, so until the BF gets home, in about an hour or an hour and a half, I'm gonna work my ass off! I can't wait to get a sweat going. Instead of posting a move of the day ( I'm way to lazy lol) I will post a move of the week. Here is the move I'm doing for my butt http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2008/02/butt-exercise#slide=1 and here is the one for thigh gap http://www.realsimple.com/health/fitness-exercise/workouts/trim-your-inner-thighs-00000000035180/page2.html I gotta go workout!!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
You know what the craziest thing is. It used to be so hard to control what I ate. The mere thought of restricting sent me on a binge. I finally became able to control myself and restricting was still a challenge, but I could easily keep myself under 700 per day. I think it's really funny now how I find eating the 1200 calories a day for my challenge is, well, challenging. Every morning When I wake up, I feel myself wanting to hold out for as long as I can without food. Like, it's 2:26 in the afternoon, and I haven't eaten yet. Oops lol It's so hard to cram all of those calories into my day. On another note, I started my stupid period today and I feel so gross and bloated. I guess I should go have breakfast or something. I'll post exercises in a bit.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
For all of you participating in the Summer Slimdown Challenge it is weigh day number one! I am supposed to be at 132.97 today. I got out of bed this morning, stripped down and stepped on the scale. The little lights blinked a few times, then the number appeared: 131.6 ! Yay me :D I started at 135 and I lost 3.4 lbs this week. This is amazing. I hope I can keep up with the weight loss each week. My calorie limit has dropped from 1233 to 1222. That makes me laugh a little bit because it's only an 11 calorie difference. I am very happy with my weight drop this week and I hope I can keep dropping like this. I heard my coach talking to my boyfriend about cutting weight to preform skills better. He was talking about when he competed and how great it felt to drop a bunch of weight in the summer and how it felt so good to be so light and strong. I know that feeling lol How is everyone doing with the challenge? How did the first weigh in go??
Can't get that song out of my head lol. I'm so stoked for the first weigh in tomorrow morning. The progress thing says I should be at 132.97. That's a difference of 2.03 lbs. I hope I make it!! I've been trying to lay off weighing myself so I can be surprised each week :D I know I can make it. I will start posting the moves of the day again tomorrow and also my food logs. I worked out really hard at practice so I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight!!!!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Soooo I need to set myself a new rule for this challenge. I was at about 900 calories yesterday and I figured after gymnastics I could have a little ice cream to take me up to 1200 for the day. Well, my boyfriend and I binged sooooo bad on chocolate ice cream. I don't even want to think about it. The good news is, I woke up at only 133.4, so it wasn't too horrible I guess. Ugh, my throat hurts so bad. The new rule is, no eating after practice or work. I get out of practice at 10PM and work at like 11PM. There's no reason that I should have to eat that late anyways. So , ya, that's the new plan. I guess I should probably eat breakfast soon. Its already 1PM. It's so hard to plan for this many calories lol I go to the doctor on Friday morning, so I'll get the official weigh in. I'll post my first weigh in and pics and measurements in a second and also I'll post the daily moves :) I hope everyone is doing well with the challenge.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Ooook! So, the plan is finally formulated. FIrst off, my goal is to be at 120 by the time I get to Italy. I am giving myself 2 months to get there. So, I must be at or below 120 by June 10. The reason I'm giving my self 2 months (61 days) instead of 68 days ( Oh my goodness my trip is so close!) is because, I want to be able to maintain that weight for about a week before I leave. Also, I used this calculator thing online http://www.healthyweightforum.org/eng/calculators/calories-required/ which is really awesome. You put in your weight and height and age and activity level. Then, you put in how much you want to lose how fast, and it gives you your calories you need to eat to get there. Here is what my calorie plan looks like: WEEK 1= 1244 WEEK2= 1233 WEEK3= 1222 WEEK4 = 1211 WEEK5= 1200 WEEK 6 = 1189 WEEK 7 = 1178 WEEK 8= 1167. Here's a little secret though. Last night we had a going away party for my bf's friend, so I kinda went all binge crazy. My weight was 130.8 yesterday morning, but now I fear the worst, so I put my weight in at 135. Even if this is a little high its ok because the calorie values are pretty similar, and maybe I'll lose even more weight than what they are projecting. I'm going to try to stick to these calorie amounts even though they are like double what I would really want to eat in day. Hopefully these amounts will help me to avoid binges and avoid suspicion of other people. Also, they will help me to keep up my strength at gymnastics practice and keep me from getting so dizzy. Now for exercise plan. On top of my gymnastics practice, I am going to start over on the 100 pushup challenge and the 200 hundred situp challenge and I am actually going to finish this time! Also, I am going to do 10 pullups every other day, stretch 2x each day, cardio for at least 20 min per day. The amount of pullups will go up as I get stronger. I am also going to work on leg lifts hanging from a pullup bar. I'm really bad at these so I'll start at 5 per day and work my way up. Also I'm going to have an exercise of the day! It's will be different each day, but there will be one for my butt each day and one for my inner thighs. I'll post these in a separate post each day. Does anybody want to do this two month challenge with me? Just go to that link I posted earlier and figure out how much you need to eat in order to lose. Then, each Wednesday, post your weight. Take a pic of your starting point on Wednesday April 11,2012. Then another on May 10, 2012 to show the half way point. Finally, another picture on June 10 to show how far you've come. Also, I will offer a prize for whoever wins the challenge! First place will be determined by whoever loses the most weight by June 10, 2012. If there is a tie, it will be by percentage lost. If there is still a tie, then i will let the readers vote!! Who is in?
That's how long until my trip to Italy!!! Until then, I will be : posting daily about intake, exercise, and whatever else is going on in my life, condition daily, cardio daily, under 900 daily. I am going to come up with a really detailed food and exercise plan that is easy to follow. I will have mandatory weigh in and progress pics days. I'm kind of excited :) I can not be fat and gross on the beaches in Europe!! Give me a little bit so I can plan this all out on paper, and I'll be right back with an awesome post lol Brb
Sunday, April 1, 2012
I had to go out to dinner with the family today , and everyone tells me that I need to order " real food" Apparently soup and salad is not a dinner. I had to order something " hearty" So fish and chips it was! Ugh. We were eating outside by the lake, so it was pretty dark and nobody could really see my plate. I talked a lot and ate a little bit. Nobody even noticed!! :) I had 4 pieces of fish and only ate 1.75 pieces lol and only ate half the chips! My leftovers!!! So I had one clementine today (35) and about (350) from the fish and chips so todays total is 385ish. Not bad at all :).