Tuesday, February 26, 2013

How Convenient

Weight loss calculator Check this out! It's an awesome, fast weight loss predictor for weekly and monthly weight loss predictions. The great thing is it's adjustable , you don't have to keep going back and typing in new numbers, and it doesn't condemn your calorie amounts or weight loss goals. Oh and I calculated the average daily calories for the 20 day diet and its a little over 360 calories per day. Geeze that's low :) Just going off of calories in vs. out, that a little over 4 lbs lost per week, meaning I'll lose about 12 lbs on this plan.

I Think I'm Growing

 Helllllo world! Sorry, I'm super excited about a lot of thing right now. First of all, I'm starting up that 20 day diet today. Today is 400 calories. I'm going to do a big dance/cardio workout at the house, my ab work, and then gymnastics practice. The plan is to burn at least 600 extra cals today. Breakfast was 2 clementines (80) I'm planning on making a big pot of vegetable soup from 2 bullion cubes (20), 1/2 a head of cabbage (50), broccoli/cauliflower mix (60), celery (10), 1 cup mushrooms (20), 1/2 cup onion (30), peppers (50) and water of course. That's about 250 calories for a huge pot of vegetable soup. I'm planning on just eating this for the rest of the day. I feel like this will keep me full all day so I don't even have to worry about counting calories because A) I probably won't be able to finish so much soup. This recipe is going to make about 6-8 cups of soup and even if I binge on the soup, I can't do damage  B) There aren't enough calories in it to put me over 400 for the day. I feel like soup and all fruit/water smoothies are going to be my best friend. Thing I'm excited about #2! I think I might be getting taller. At my gym, we have a section of balance beams that are under a lower part of the ceiling, and they're supposed to be for the little girls, because they don't have to worry about hitting the ceiling. Well, I work over there sometimes if I come in for extra practice and the other beams are taken. I could always stand on my toes while on the high beam and touch the ceiling, but yesterday, I was practicing this handstand pirouette thing on beam, and my toes kept touching the ceiling! This has never happened before, so I'm convinced that either I'm getting taller, or my arms are getting longer. I wouldn't mind being a little taller because then I could lose weight easier :) I kinda want to go measure my height. Hang on... damn, still 5'8'' Oh well, a girl can dream. I'm off the chop veg and make soup. Does anyone want to join my 20 day diet?

Monday, February 25, 2013

Might Be Worth a Try

The 20 days diet 

So I came across this diet on a blog that only has 4 posts and hasn't been updated since 2010.  Here's a link to the blog if you'd like to see, I found it by searching "pro ana foods list" on google. I'm about to go grocery shopping after gymnastics practice, so I'm trying to get a good list of negative cal fruit and veg.  I'm going to start this diet today, because I've only had a piece of toast (120) and a bite of omelet (50?) that my bf made for us to share at breakfast. What a sweet guy <3 So I'd have 230 calories left for today. Sounds good to me! I'll probably up the intensity of the ab workout though because 20 situps is nothing. Multiply it by 5? ok :) I feel like this is a great plan that I could easily stick to. My plan is to get down to 125 with this, stay at or under 125 for 3 days, and then add 150 calories each day until I'm at 1400  calories per day. That way, I can lose the weight fast until I get relatively thin (around 125), then keep losing weight gradually while steadily adding a few more cals each day until I reach a healthy amount. I feel like this is a perfect way to avoid gaining the weight back. Also by slowly building the cals back up to a healthy amount, I will be able to maintain a really low weight and be healthy. I'm going to try and make all of my calories consumed really healthy calories. Once I'm back around 1200 per day, I'll resume the ballerina diet because it's been so good to me :) Would anyone like to join me?

Day 1. 400 calories - 20 sit-ups
Day 2. 250 calories - 20 sit-ups
Day 3. 500 calories - 40 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 20 sit-ups)
Day 4. 100 calories - 40 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 20 sit-ups)
Day 5. 350 calories - 50 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 25 sit-ups)

Day 6. 200 calories - 50 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 25 sit-ups)
Day 7. 350 calories - 50 sit-ups (No breaks)
Day 8. Today you're allowed to eat everything - 100 sit-ups or more (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 50 sit-ups)
Day 9. 100 calories - 50 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 25 sit-ups)
Day 10. 350 calories - 100 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 50 sit-ups)

Day 11. 500 calories - 100 sit-ups (No breaks. If you have to take a break it's allowed to take a break of 30 seconds when you've done 50 sit-ups)
Day 12. 250 calories - 100 sit-ups (No breaks. If you have to take a break it's allowed to take a break of 30 seconds when you've done 50 sit-ups)
Day 13. 300 calories - 100 sit-ups (No breaks. If you have to take a break it's allowed to take a break of 30 seconds when you've done 50 sit-ups)
Day 14. 450 calories - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 1 minute)
Day 15. 200 calories - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 1 minute)

Day 16. Today you're allowed to eat everything - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 30 seconds)
Day 17. 100 calories - 100 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 30 seconds)
Day 18. 450 calories - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 1 minute)
Day 19. 250 calories - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 1 minute)
Day 20. 150 calories - 100 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 30 seconds)

There are a few rules when you are following this diet:
1. If you ate too much one day ( for example 100 calories) You have to take 100 calories away from the next days amount of calories.
2. If you really ate too much one day, and you can't take it of the next days amount of calories, then you have to take one of the two ''Today you're allowed to eat everything''-days away. Make that day a 200 calories day instead.
3. It doesn't matter if it doesn't go well the first time. Take a break of 3 days and start over again.

What I've Been Saying All Along!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

A Little Personal Thinspo

I just wanted to post a pic of me lying down last night. Do you like it? I was so empty that my stomach looks concave.  If only it looked like that standing. Sigh... I love fasting. I only wish it had the same effect on my thighs.

You Hate Bein alone, You Ain't the Only One...

navy blazer white pants pale tank nude heels
Navy blue blazer, white pants, nude/pink tank, clutch, cute heels, maybe I'll add some pearls. That is the reward I will give myself when I get to 125. This is when I will consider myself to be really thin. I'm imagining myself in something similar to the pic. Sigh... Any ways, I fasted for 24 hours now after a mess up last night. STUPID PIZZA! I worked an 11 hour waitress shift with no breaks on empty. I'm awesome :) I have another shorter shift tomorrow afternoon then it's off to visit the family, and try to control myself at dinner. Well, I'm off to stalk blazers online ... and white pants... and a clutch! I'm obsessed. Any who, what outfit will you all wear when you're finally "thin enough"?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

I'm Livin' on Such Sweet Nothin'

Fasting tomorrow through Sunday. I am such a fucking fat ass slob. God! I wish I had some fucking control over my fucking eating.  I hate my self so fucking much.l I just drank a bottle of champagne  The whole fucking thing! My eating today consisted of an I hop pancake combo 1200 + pot roast (300) +  a small potato (50) + nut mix (200) = 1750 not including the champagne. I want to leave America. That's 550 too much and it's all bullshit calories. I swear I need to be locked away in a fucking prison. I am so damn worthless. No more food for me. I don't deserve it. Starving until <128 lbs. I'm such a piece of shit.  .I wish I was marooned on an island somewhere without any sort of foods. Just sunlight, surf and fresh water. Seriously, somebody come punch me in the fucking mouth so all my teeth get busted out and I can't eat anything. I just want to sleep until I'm thin. I hate this bullshit. Where is my thigh gap, hip bones and ribs?? Fuck you sunshine, you worthless piece of shit. You don't get food until you need it. You're too fat to eat for a few days. I hate me. I wish I could just cut all the fat off. I'm such a failure...

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Hum Drum

Sorry for that little pity post the other day. I've been feeling so blah because of this sinus infection. Everything tastes and smells so weird, but it's getting better because of the antibiotics. I like winter for it's unique quiet magic, but I just want the sun to return. I need spring! Only 30 more days... Having said that, I just want to let you all know how much I really appreciate all of the loving supportive comments. When I need to just let things out that I can't say to anyone else, I know I can always come here without judgement. I've been sticking to my ballet diet which is about 1200 a day, but I usually end up closer to 900 or 1000. I'm going to wait until my period is over to weigh myself, because I want to be surprised. I'm seriously on the edge of thigh gap. that upper triangle of space is getting bigger, and my inner thighs are barely touching when I stand with my feet together. There's like a half inch of thigh that makes contact. Other than that, it's all space. Other than the fact that I pretty much have control over when and how much I eat, I've pretty much cut out all of the junk. The only junky stuff I've had in a week is some snack mix, and it's not really bad for you. Mostly nuts and pretzels in it. Ugh, my head hurts a bit, so I'm going to go lie down. <3 Sunshine

Monday, February 18, 2013

I'm so Friggin' Close!

I'm All Alone...

I seriously feel like nobody reads my blog anymore and if they do, they don't care to respond. Why do I even try anymore. I guess it started out as a place to express myself, but I really did look forward to reading the lovely comments left by readers. It's been 9 days since anyone has cared to talk to me. Should I even post anymore?

Sunday, February 17, 2013


It's been a bit dead around here recently. Where did you all go? I have a bad sinus infection and haven't felt much up to posting. I hate antibiotic side effects. Haven't felt much like eating either. I'm hovering around 130 right now, and I'm all bloated from my period. I gave up junk food, sweets, etc. for Lent, so I'm pretty sure I'll never binge at night again. I also gave up smoking, so no more munchies for me. I'm going to try to pray before each meal, say a rosary daily, and do a little Bible study each day. Saint Catherine of Sienna shall be my inspiration for this Lent. Catholic question: What did you all give up or take on for Lent?

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I Need Ideas

 I'm not going to talk about anything really food, diet, or ana related until tomorrow. Right now what I need is suggestions :) My 21st birthday is coming up in a little over two months and I need party ideas. I've decided that for once, I want to be the center of attention. I want people to make a huge freaking deal about me. Usually I take the back seat and let other people shine, but this time, it's my turn. I want to have a family party and then go do something with my friends. I need suggestions for both. Any web sites, pictures, themes, links, ideas and suggestions are welcome. The only thing I'm opposed to is a party bus/ bar crawl sort of thing. I really don't see the fun in getting so drunk that I get sick, make a fool of myself, pass out, have a hang over and/or forget the whole thing the next day. That's just not my thing. Drinking is fine, but I like my liver how it is. SOOOOO, let's here those ideas pour on in!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Professional Ballerina Diet

Sorry, just one more post, I promise. This is the diet I'm going to follow when I'm done fasting. It's the meal plan I found on a professional ballet company's website. I also tried to calculate the calories. Enjoy! 8 AM = Breakfast 1/4 cup low fat cottage cheese (50) + fresh berries (25?) + Porridge cooked with water (150) + 1 piece toast (80) + slice of cheese (100?)+ coffee or tea no sugar or cream. =405 11 AM = 2nd Breakfast 1 container low fat natural yogurt (100)+ an apple (85) + green tea = 185 2pm= Lunch portion of light vegetable soup (75) or 1/3 cup brown rice (75) + a serving of baked chicken (150) + 1 cup salad of steamed seasonal veg (25)= 250 5 PM= Afternoon Lunch An apple (85) + toast (80) + slice of cheese (100) + piece of dark chocolate (25) + cup of green tea. =290 9 PM = Dinner Baked fish (Swai =70) + salad ( mine will be spinach and tomato (50) Total for day =120 Total= 1250 I don't know how that worked out that perfectly, but it did. I feel like deprivation is the reason for a lot of my binges, so I'm going to start off around 1200 and slowly taper back each week to around 800. I'm sure I've estimated a bit high on the calories, but that protects me from underestimation. I am very excited about this new plan, and I hope it helps me get tiny. This should promote about 2 lbs per week loss. After my 4 day fast, I should be  will be below 130, and then I will maintain this plan for about 11 weeks (until my birthday). I want to be 120 for my birthday. Well, here goes nothing.


I'm back at 135 where I fucking started because of all this binging bullshit. I'm so pissed off you wouldn't believe. I wish my boyfriend didn't enjoy bringing me pizza and pasta and all sorts of fat and sugar loaded calories. I know he means well, but enough is enough. I'm taking my life back. Seriously, Mardi Gras will mark one year since I've been caught in this staying up late smoking weed and binging every night and starving all day cycle. I've lost a year of my life to this shit, and I'm done with it. I'm fasting since 1 AM this morning and I'm going to fast until Sunday morning whenever I get up, probably around 9 AM that will be 4 days and 8 hours. I want every little bit of junk out of me, and then I'm going to start up with a very restrictive fruit and veg only diet. Lent starts on Wednesday, so I'll fast that day as well, then I have a cheat day on Valentines day, because I'm sure the BF is taking me out somewhere nice. I feel like I need to go this alone, so I will post again on Sunday morning. I might still update on the other blog about the more normal aspects of my life, but I will not be around here until Sunday. I need all the support I can get to put my life back on track, so send some love my way <3 I can get through this, I know it <3

Monday, February 4, 2013

The Crownless Again Shall be King

 I messed up big time yesterday.Stupid fucking Superbowl party. Let's see 1 fun size bag peanut M&Ms (90), 1 fun size Snickers (80), 3 Ghiradelli chocolate squares(180), 1 truffle (60), 3 green olives (20), chips and taco dip (300?), 3 oreos (210), 1 cup pub mix(140), 1 hot dog (280), 5 chicken strips (500), ummm is that all? I feel like such a pig. That's 1860 calories of disgusting sugar and fat just fermenting in my body and attaching to my back and thighs. Somebody shoot me please. The good thing is, I'm going all natural today. I'm only having fruit and vegetables and plain lean protein (either chicken breast or swai fillet) Oh!! I found a whole line of zero calorie salad dressing! How amazing is that? I bough zero calorie balsamic vinaigrette and zero calorie Caesar dressing. I haven't tried them yet, but i will at lunch today. This is how my life is going to go for the next week. Fruit for breakfast = 150 or less. Lunch = spinach salad+ chicken+ zero calorie dressing+ tomato= 100 calories or less. Snack= fruit and water smoothie = 100 or less Dinner= Swai fillet (70) + Some veggies (130 or less) My daily total will be 550 or less. OH and I'm getting  a water bottle that's around 32 oz and I'm going to mark it off with 7 increments on each side saying 8 AM, 9 Am, 10 AM, etc. all the way down to 10 PM so that I know I'm getting enough water throughout the day, and I'm not wasting all those disposable plastic bottles. Once I'm half way through the day, I'll refill the bottle and start tracking on the other side. I should be drinking about 4.5 oz per hour to be fully hydrated. I need to completely clean all of the junk out of my insides for good. I really hope this month of healthy clean eating will reset my system, and help me be healthier and happier. Plus, I'll be negative 1500 per day losing about 3 lbs per week. The hardest part is going to be avoiding the junk food binges late at night, but if I just can't avoid eating, you better believe I'll be reaching for the strawberries or apples or something nutritious. If I'm really hungry, and not just greedy, then fruit or veg should fill me up. I'm gonna go cook some chicken breast slice it into strips to keep int the fridge for my salads. I still need to get a scale battery. It's that weird round kind, so we don't have any lying around the house. I'm kinda glad though, because I don't have to see how much damage I did last night. <3