Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Vicious Cycle

"I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat."

I'm starting to get that dark eyes, exhausted, starving artist look. I only weigh in once a week now, but the numbers hold steady. Hovering just a hair above "underweight." I've never been so small for so long. Idk when I last weighed in above 125. It's scary how easy this is all becoming.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Sitting Pretty

Have you all noticed a shift in your set weight since all the Ana madness ensued?

Back before all of this, in my Senior year of high school, my weigh would sit between 135-140 
if I wasn't consciously trying to manage it.

Once college happened, and I became obsessed with the numbers 
133 was an amazing number, and anything above 137 was absolutely disgusting
The I dropped into the 130-135 range
and down 
and down
 and down
Now my weight naturally sits between 123 and 127 without me even trying to maintain
I guess my habits have changed and i just didn't notice
If I start to approach anything resembling 130, I panic and starve
last time I weighed, I was 123.6

I don't look any different, but i always feel like I can feel the bones in my face protruding
You can't possibly lose 14% of your body weight and not notice
idk, though...
I feel like I look the exact same, 
but with a high weigh of 143, those 20 lbs obviously went somewhere...

Wednesday, October 29, 2014


I am fully aware that I, "Disappeared without warning." 
I really appreciate all of the concerned emails
 <3 <3 <3 
At least someone cares!
It's just been crazy chaotic around here lately, like always. 

It's no excuse, and I'm very sorry about that. 
My new resolution is to post at minimum once per week. 
It's not fair to leave you all hanging. 
I just finished that lovely time of month, so a fast is needed :) 
My eating patterns always go to shit this time of month.
  I need to rebalance things. 

SOOOO the plan is to fast Thursday- Sunday evening. 
Who wants to join me??
<3 Sunshine

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Progress Pics and a Fast, What Could be Better?

Hello All!!!

Sorry it's been so long since my last post, school has me by the throat right now.

I really don't have appropriate time for a proper post now, but I wanted to post these pics for you all , and announce that I'll be fasting Midnight tonight through Sunday at 8 AM, when I will weigh myself.
Does anyone wish to join me?
It is so much easier to have support through this :)

Progress: I can see my hip bones curving up and around the back now. Can you all see it too? :)
<3 Sunshine

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

You Watch the World Complain. but You do it Anyway

Not having batteries for the scale is driving me nuts!!
I'm losing weight though, I can feel it :)
The stress of school is killing my appetite, and I love it
117 is going to be mine...

Friday, September 5, 2014


I watch House, and I worry about dying like those people,
Organs pulsing,
Blood gushing out.
I really don't want to end up like them.

That's the thing though. 
Right when I think I think of being like them, I am comforted.
I'm not like them, so I can't end up like them.
I really don't think I'm like anyone.
I feel like if they cut me open.they'd be in for a surprise.
Like i'd be arranged differently, missing something, or maybe having something extra...

Maybe there's nothing in there and it's all just an illusion.
I find myself detaching from the situation a lot lately, and this isn't like me.
Usually, I'm a little too excitable and emotional about things.
Lately though, it's like an out of body experience.

I get stressed out, so i step out of myself and just stare in pity at her.
The moment I feel pain, I just remove myself from it, and don't allow myself to feel it.
It really is a perplexing situation.

Maybe it's from the restricting...

Anyone else ever feel this way?

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Stress= Relief

Hello beautiful readers!!

How are you all doing on this glorious day?
I'm typing this post on my laptop while riding an exercise bike at the gym, and I'm getting some funny looks.
That's ok though, at least I'm not getting as many looks as the sweaty guy in short shorts on the treadmill singing Adele between gasps of air. He's actually very entertaining to watch, because you can tell his doesn't give two shits about the people staring. Anyways...

Wow, so my classes this semester are all very reading intensive. I have to read basically a chapter or two each week, about 30 pages per chapter, for each class, and make chapter outlines. So what is that, like 300 pages each week? Yikes! Good thing my Psych Stat book has lots of pictures, practice problems, charts, and diagrams lol That basically cuts the actual text I'm reading in half.
I am just so absorbed with homework, and it's only day 3.
I just wish my f'ing planner would arrive, or at least ship! lol Stupid Lilly Pulitzer

The good thing is, the stress takes away any appetite I have, or maybe it's all the coffee...
Either way, I'm loving it!
I've probably had about 2000 calories the past 3 days, and I've been working out more at home to "relieve the stress" Translation: make my cals as negative as possible for the day.

Oh, and my bf is just so understanding :) 

"I'm hungry!"
"Here, let me make you dinner, and I'll get something once I finish my work. I don't want to break my concentration"
" You're such a good girlfriend!"

The beast gets fed, and he loves watching me do school work. 
He said it makes him proud. Dinner and a show lol

I won't weigh in until Sunday morning, but expect great news!!
I can see more bones than ever :)
A little girl on my gymnastics team pointed out the fact that you could see where my spine sticks out because of the line of sweat dots going down the back of my shirt during warm up lol

For all you college students, have you started class yet?
How are things going?

<3 Sunshine

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

A Sunny Spot

I feel like such a nerd, but I love back to school time!! 
Classes start on Monday!My classes actually sound really interesting this semester. Probably because this time around, they actually apply to my specific major!!

English Composition
Advanced Spanish 
 Multicultural Psychology
 Understanding Statistical Inferences in Psychology
History and Systems of Psychology

 I went to school yesterday, met with my academic adviser, and finalized my schedule for the semester. I also officially declared my major! So excited about this :) 
I took a competency exam yesterday and I tested out of trigonometry, pre-calculus, and calculus!!! 

I'm really good at math, I just don't enjoy all of the busy work. What a relief that I'm done with math! 
I just can't sit through those boring lessons. I will lose interest and distract others :) Usually with loud talking and inappropriate comments about the professor which sends my neighbors into hysterical fits of laughter. 
Especially if they were up late the night before, "studying." 
Sleep deprivation works wonders on how well my jokes are received by those around me. 

Less sleep= louder, more prolonged laughing

How's that for some math?

Another beautiful thing about this time of year is Sweater weather!! AH I'm so excited for boots, scarves and big over sized sweaters. Oh and tights under skirts! And hats and gloves! I definitely need to get a nice pair of gloves and a felt hat this year :D Ok, Ok, I think I might have pre-fall fever :)

I'm going to go catch some final summer rays
What's your favorite thing about this time of year?

<3 Sunshine

Friday, August 15, 2014

That's What he Said...

" Of course you're small. Honestly, if you were any smaller, I'd be mad."

*   *   *
Prepare to be pissed

Sunday, August 10, 2014


Hello lovely readers! I have a question for you...
Has anyone tried the paleo diet?
I feel like it will be a good way to get to my ugw.
So tell me, does it work?
How much weight did you lose on it in how much time?
Let me know <3

** These pants used to be so tight I had to suck in to close them! Now they won't stay up !**
  :) US size 4

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Reposting My Pics

  So I posted some updated pics a few days ago, and apparently, they don't show up! D: (cue dramatic music!  Dun, Dun,Dun!)

0.o Anyways...

Here they are again! Enjoy!!
<3 Sunshine

Meet me at the glass
hand reaching, eyes search for truth
my outside looks in


Can you all see the pictures on my last post? I received an email from someone who could not see the pictures, but I can see them fine when I look at my page.
 Let me know, please :)

Wednesday, August 6, 2014


Meet me at the glass
hand reaching, eyes search for truth
my outside looks in

I thought you all could use some more dramatic poetry and selfy pics ;)
Enjoy, lovlies <3

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Time to Start This Again

 Each day of the week will have a theme:
Meager Meatless Mondays=
 No meat, no dairy and no bread today. Try to fill up on around 1000 calories of pure, unrefined fruit and vegetables. I know, its a lot of calories, and a lot of food, but it will do wonders for your body. Try to incorporate an ab workout today. I'll post my personal workout on this day :)
Tiny Tummy Tuesday=
Today is all about debloating the tummy. Aim for 8 glasses of lemon water to flush out toxins and get rid of excess water. Try to make today as low as possible on carbs. 800 cal or less of pure protein; eggs, meat, fish, nuts, legumes, soy. Whatever  floats your boat :) I'll post an exercise challenge each Tuesday.
No Worries Wednesday=
Today is kind of a free day. Eat whatever clean foods you want, but stay under 1200!Absolutely no junk food, candy, cakes, chips, etc. Another abs workout day!
Thinking Thin Thursday=
Cut carbs and calories today. The maximum is 500 calories. Try to limit the carbs to those found in whole fruits and veg. Make sure to get some nice protein as well. Today is a last chance to cut out weight before the weigh in tomorrow morning! Also, cutting way back will help with fasting tomorrow. 
Fasting Friday=
It's weigh day!!! Get your skinny ass up on the scale and report your wonderful loss on my weigh in post. Only water/tea/coffee today. No sweeteners. Trust me on this one. Just take a day each week to let your boy heal and detox. Evaluate your loss this week. No hard exercise today. 
Soup and Smoothie Saturday=
If you made it through the fast, you haven't had real food since Wednesday. You don't want to shock your system too badly with a sudden belly full of food. Let's have around 900 cal of healthy soup and smoothies. Be gentle on your body. Work those abs out today!!
Funday Sunday!=
This is family dinner day for me, so I can't be too restrictive. Today is a free day, so eat what you wish. Try to listen to your body and only eat if you are hungry. Allow your self one treat, but keep it in moderation. No other junk foods or bad foods allowed except your treat. Try to keep the treat or dessert under 350

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I'm so Melodramatic

Step right up!
Binge and Purge, Starve and carve.
Walk away slowly, 
only to come running back.
Clinging to the bars.
Standing at the gates of this demented carnival,
The freak show 
Sucked in by the merry go round of thoughts,
spinning out of

The games are crooked.
The fun house mirrors lie.
Silly girl,
You know the real magic lies 
behind the curtain
Beckoning forward with grin and bending finger
But wait! 
There's a price if you'd like to see inside. 
It must be written in the flesh.

 I pay with my soul.
The temptation irresistible.
I want to levitate. 
saw me in half.
Make me disappear before their eyes. 
You'll have me swallowing swords and spitting fire.
Come one come all!
See the amazing shrinking girl!
The bearded lady's got nothing on me.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

The Lighter Side

Yesterday, me and the BF were in bed, him on top, and all of the sudden he stops and goes ,Ah!, like he's in pain. 

I asked what was wrong, and he got this big smile and said, you're so skinny, your hipbone stabbed me!

I responded with an apology, huge smile on my face. 

Don't be, he said with a wink, still smiling hard.

I Love Him

Friday, July 4, 2014

Skip Dinner, Wake up Thinner

Isn't it crazy how easy it is to skip breakfast and lunch, but then dinner and beyond is torture? I'm making myself a little thinspo post to keep my mind on the right track so I wake up empty. I need to start posting my intake again. That way I can be shamed away from eating.

Breakfast: Weight control oatmeal (160)
Snack: Baguette (150)

Lunch: Banana chips/dehydrated strawberry mix (200)
           Probiotic trail mix (150)
           Cottage cheese w/ berries (130)

Dinner: Water (0)

Total: 840 :( Better than 900, right?

Has She Been Eating?
I'll stop when i'm thin i promise.
I wish..

tumblr_mkv2tuaimX1s3xaz5o1_250.jpg (250×328)
#beautiful #proana

Whisper, Whisper

There's a boy at work, a few years younger than me, that has the hots for me. He's cute and all, but very obnoxious and immature at times. I'm not interested.  He certainly is, and he wants to know all about me, asking things like, " Are you ok? Did you eat today? What did you eat? Does that mean you really didn't eat?" He knows nothing about my ED stuff, and he's already suspicious. Probably from the time he stole my phone at work to look at my pics and saw all the thigh gap/ rib shot pics I take in the mirror. 

The girls at work don't ask me, but rather ask each other about me, and wonder if they should believe their eyes. "Is she losing weight? Does she look thinner to you?" Good thing our work uniforms are pretty concealing. They've got no proof :)

In honor of the 4th of July and our independence , I am freeing myself from the scales and from calories for a week. I will be allowed family dinner on Sunday evening and a small, under 300 cal something before Gymnastics practice so I have energy not to faint. I want someone to outright ask me if I've lost weight. On July 11, a very special day :), I will be at 123. 

We can achieve amazing things with a sheer will to resist, stars in our eyes, and an empty tummy at bed time.

Question: What is the most magical thing about summer to you?

For me, it's being part of "The Wave" at a baseball game. Idk why but seeing it come together successfully gives me such a good feeling, and brings a sparkle to my eye lol

Monday, June 9, 2014


       I've never really been able to maintain my weight loss like this before. Usually I'll drop 5, put on 2, drop 3, put on 4, drop 2... Get the picture? It's maddening really. I suffer and push myself for days to get results, only to give in, have a massive junk binge, and be left frustrated and disappointed in myself. I've been restricting like crazy, but still enjoying treats. I'm letting myself each pretty much anything besides a lot of refined sugar, but in tiny portions. 

Here's what I ate yesterday:
Breakfast~ a handful of raspberries, a small handful of Kashi shredded wheat cereal dry, and peppermint tea
Lunch~ a few salad croutons, a Quaker granola bar
Snack~ 7 circus peanut candies, 4 salt water taffies
Dinner~ Cauliflower, a pork steak, two rib tips
Dessert~ 40 cal fudge pop, a handful of unsalted peanuts

I know that all sounds horrible, but Sunday I let up a little because I have to visit my family, and have family dinner. I told my dad yesterday that I needed to buy new work pants, because I've been using the same ones for quite a while, and they are falling off of me ( US size 7) I can pull the waist on these babies like 4 inches. I work at a restaurant, and we have to wear black pant, black pants, black shoes, black everything. I told him I thought that the pants were probably super worn and stretched out from being worn 4 days a week for the past few years. He then responded with, " I think it's because you've dropped a ton of weight."
Of course I responded with this gem, " No I haven't! I've just tightened up a lot from working out." Crisis averted lol  I need to start being careful about what I talk about. No more drawing attention to my weight loss. I always want to point it out to people to see if they notice. The good thing is, I always tell people I weigh 127 since I started high school. Little do they know, I was actually up at 143 at one point...

Even after all that crap yesterday, I still weighed in 126.6 :D BMI 19.2!
I can't wait until my bmi is in the 18 range, but I have to be under 125 for that to happen
Once I get there I'll post more pics
<3 Sunshine

Thursday, May 29, 2014

New Body, Almost Finished

Here I am at 127 the other day. I'll post more pics once I get under 125 :) What do you think?

Wednesday, May 28, 2014


Yo-da-lo-dah-lay-hee-whoooooooooooooooo! Sorry for that outburst, but I'm so excited today that I just had to yodel. Weird how that happens -_- I am so strange...  
Anyways! The reason I'm so excited is the freaking scale read 126.6 this morning. I'm just in shock. This time last week I was 4.4 lbs heavier :p Not a bad loss for one week, right? I've found that just straight restriction works much better for me. I'll post pics tonight after gymnastics so you can see how far I've come.
Here's to another -4.4 lbs this week
XoXo Sunshine

Monday, May 26, 2014

Summer Sweetness

Hello :) I'm back

It's finally summer, so I have time to post again. Everything is so crazy lately, but I've found peace within myself. I get so excited now whenever I feel the hunger pains set it. 

My little diet plan didn't work so well, but that's ok. I'm still losing, slowly but surely. I'm under 128 currently, simply from restricting. 

I can not wait to see 125 flat. Everything in my being is pushing for that right now.

Only almonds, and salad, and grilled chicken today. All teeny tiny portions.

I miss you posts and comments, but I will be catching up and commenting tonight. Expect a full proper post with picture updates and measurements tomorrow :)
XoXo Sunshine

Monday, May 5, 2014

Girl Crush

Sooo there are two super skinny girls at my work that are best friends. One girl, lets call her T, is about 5'7'', and her friend says she's " about 98lbs and waaaaaay to skinny." T insists she eats " like all the time" Ya, ok... The other girl, S, meanwhile, is like 5'6'' and says she is 106. She pretty much brags openly about her eating issues and wears it like a badge of honor. Kinda frustrating and annoying to work with all weekend lol
ANY WAYS, she told me yesterday," You have like, the best body. I think i have a girl crush on you." Haha it was so tempting to be like, wana trade bodies? I'd have to be around 112 to have the same BMI  as her.

I'm starting an amazing new 10 day jump start plan today, that I made up. It's less than 800 each day, and there are little exercises you have to do to earn each meal. If I don't do the work first, then I can't eat. It's as simple as that :D The plan is to drop 5 lbs in 10 days, but I won't know how much I'm losing until the very end. Let's go weigh in really quick so I have a starting weight... runs to scale, strips down to nothing, calibrates scale, weighs self holding a heavy weight first, just to make sure, weighs self for real, aaaaaaand the scale flashes 129.6 then decides 130.0 is a better reading :/ stupid scale , giving me false hope. So the goal is to get to 125. The lowest weight I saw in the past two years was 125.8, and I remember how amazing that felt and looked. Time to step it up!

This 10 day plan actually works out perfect, because it will run today through the 14th. I'll weigh in the 15th, and probably fast that day, because the 16th is my BFF's graduation party. It is going to be at  a restaurant called Houlihans, and there is free food, buffet style. Sounds like a nightmare haha Anyways, I haven't seen her much in the past year because she's been busy and 3 hours away at school. I was probably about 133 last time she saw me, and a lot less toned. At 125, I'll be down 8 lbs, about 6% body weight loss. I'm sure she'll see the difference and say something :) and of course I'll deny the change in weigh lol
If this plan yields good results, I'll post it here.

Question: What is your favorite low cal dinner, 400 calories or less? I'd love to hear your ideas :)
<3 Sunshine

Monday, April 28, 2014

I Don't Know About You...

Happy birthday to me! 
Happy birthday to me! 
Happy birthday, Happy birthday! 
 Is that pathetic or what? lol  I'll be posting updates and filling you all in on what I've been doing during this long absence tomorrow. It's always tomorrow, right? That thigh gap is still with me, and I couldn't be happier :)
Until tomorrow

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Attention Ladies! (and gentlemen?)

First off, are there any guys out there reading?  If so, hey there :D If not, boo you guys suck! Just kidding
Sorry about this, I'm just in such a good mood today because I woke up at 127 lbs  and saw this... 

Click on the pic to enlarge if it's not clear to you. That's a teeny tiny thigh gap!!! I can honestly never remember having a thigh gap before, because by the time I was aware of its existence, I was already too fat to have one :p 
Do you see it, do you see it? That's without pulling my heels apart, pushing my hips back, or any of the normal tricks. That's 100% genuine space there and I'm so unbelievably happy! 

The other day, my boyfriend said I look like a person that was shipwrecked on an island and all they did all day is workout and eat tropical fruit lol He keeps commenting on how skinny I look, and how my legs look tiny. I tell him I don't know what he's talking about, but thank you :D 

I hope I stay strong this weekend, and it's still there on Monday
Thigh gaps & ribs <3

Monday, March 17, 2014

That's What Demons Do

   This is the first day in a long time that I've actually felt anorexic. Over the past year, it's like I've just been flipping back and forth, not committing to normalcy or self destruction. I was always just toying around and never giving myself fully to my vices. The time for wandering has come to an end, and I am about to ride down the mountain into the promised land.

   Today at breakfast was a marked difference than any day before in recent history. I had to go out to breakfast at Ihop with the bf. Usually I would just eat a little of everything and then just move food around until everyone else is finished, Talking a lot slowed down my eating kept my mind off of wanting to eat more.

  This morning was different. Each forkful of food made my purse my lips in anxiety and disgust. I did not want any of this "food" entering my perfectly clean and empty body. I actually had to force myself to eat in order to avoid suspicion. Idk what changed, but it must be the luck of the Irish.

After my family dinner cheat day yesterday, I weighed in at 129.2 I feel like Sunday cheat days are going to become a thing of the past quite soon. Tiny thigh gap has emerged, but not enough to show a pic yet. I will post a full body pic at 128 flat ;)


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Quick Weight Update

I'm under 130 again, 129.6 to be exact, and it's held there for three days now. 
With strict restriction, <800 per day, I brought my weight down from an appalling 139.4 in about a week.
If I can do it, you can do it.
Just saying :)
As the world brightens, so do my spirits.
Last time, 126 meant slight thigh gap.
I can already see it happening again.
My goal for Monday morning is 127.5 or under.
Watch me disappear
Xo Sunshine

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Marmalade Skys

Not too much to report here. Yesterday I ate broccoli and pineapple. <400 for sure. I need the sun and warm breezes. Under the oppressive shade of winter, my spirit wilts and withers. All winter I've kept myself shelled up and safely buried under the earth. Soon I shall sprout from my hiding place, and pull myself from my underground sanctuary. I will stretch towards the sun with my head floating in the clouds and my feet rooted firmly in the soil. The summer shall be mine.
Until the sun returns XoXo,

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

8 Days a Week

Everything was going so wonderfully until Valentines day. So many sweets and heavy foods :( which turned into a "Friday night- Monday sleep all day and binge one last time"-a-thon. You know how those cycles go. So infuriating. That's behind me though. I'm going to massively restrict until Friday morning, and then I'll weigh in again. I need to focus until I'm <130 lbs then I'll change things up and shift my focus to goal weight #2. I'm just feeling bloated and disgusting currently, so I'll leave you for now. 
Au Revoir, 

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Does it Almost Feel Like Nothing's Changed at All?

I just keep telling myself, hold out until Valentine's Day. And ya know what? I think I've finally done it. Something just kind of clicked for me this past week, and I've been restricting like a champion. I'm trying to remember what I've ate this week.

 I think Friday I had cereal in the morning, and then something small for dinner, idk really. Saturday, I worked all day, no breakfast or lunch, and then had some steak after work. Sunday, I fasted all day again until family dinner. We had beef stew, and I had just one small serving, then a 1/2 inch slice of cake for my dad's birthday. On Monday, I had a small bowl of the same stew because dad made me take home leftovers, and then a small apple with natural peanut butter after practice. Yesterday, I had 1/2 a chicken shawarma (250ish) and then an apple with PB for dinner (250?)

 I haven't been weighing in because if I see a low number on the scale, I then become too lenient with myself and I mess things up. I just need to keep pushing. The good thing about Valentine's day is that both of us have to work in the evening, so we are going to do a lunch or breakfast date for vday. That means I'll have all day to digest the probably heavy calorie filled food we will consume, and it can't really trigger a binge, bc I'll be at work all night, and I can't binge there.

I've decided that I'm going to weigh 117 by my birthday. This gives me about 6 weeks to lose about 15lbs, or 2.5 lbs per week. That shouldn't be too hard right? I'm going to start eating all apples again for about a week, and maybe that will give me a good jump start like last time. I will weigh in on valentine's morning, and I'm hoping against hope that I'm under 130, but 128 is the goal.

Wish me Luck!
<3 Sunshine

Thursday, January 30, 2014

That's What He Said

"There's hidden sweetness in the stomach's emptiness.
We are lutes, no more, no less. If the soundbox
is stuffed full of anything, no music.
If the brain and belly are burning clean
with fasting, every moment a new song comes out of the fire.
The fog clears, and new energy makes you
run up the steps in front of you."

*     *     *

He looks over at me from across the room. Curiosity fills his eyes, quickly turning to suspicion. I look away guiltily as the lions in my stomach roar, giving me away.

"Are you hungry? What did you eat today"

"No, I'm fine. I had some fruit and stuff."

His wary gaze penetrates me a few seconds longer and narrows. He tilts his head slightly and continues his examination, searching for something.

" I forget I have to watch you and make sure you're eating..."

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

An Apple a Day...


      So, here I stand before you, head hung in shame. I'm feeling lost and out of control with my eating. I am on my period, so I'm probably being very dramatic about all of this, but enough is enough! I made myself a promise that until family dinner on Sunday, nothing but water, tea, fruit and veg shall pass these lips. I literally will not let another damn thing enter. I told myself this morning that this is my final chance. If I can't maintain this for 5 days, then it's no food at all for me. I'm planning on dropping ten pounds by Monday. I know that sounds ridiculous or crazy, but I'm retaining a whole lot of water, so probably half of what I lose will be that damn water weight, and hopefully the terrible bloating will go away. 
         I'll probably have around 500 cal per day x 5= 2,500 intake. I'm gonna be conservative on the output and say I burn about 2000 per day (I'm super active so it's probably a little higher) x 5= 10,000. So that's a deficit of -1,500 per day or -8,000 calories over 5 days. So, at least 2 real pounds of pure fat will be gone, plus whatever water weight comes out. After this little fruit fast, I am going to make a serious dietary change. I want to try and adopt a mostly vegan diet, but I won't push it in front of my family or BF, so they don't ask questions. So, vegan whenever I'm alone, and as vegetarian as possible around people, but I'm not going to tell them my secret. Oh I pray that I can regain control of my life and be as healthy as possible. 

         If I can just shove a bunch of pure low cal vitamins and minerals down my throat for two weeks, I know I'll feel so great. Hopefully once my nutrition gets back on track, I can then focus on incorporating more cardio workouts into my life, and achieve optimum health.

Until 120 XoXo,

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Everything That Kills me Makes me Feel Alive

So, I'm planning on fruit and veg only fasting until Sunday evening.
That's almost 5 days of only the purest things going into my body.
I need a jump start for sure.
Oh and lots and lots and lots of water.
I'm using a cleaned out milk gallon as my daily water bottle.
That should be plenty.
My goal is to be 129 lbs by Monday
That's all for now 

Friday, January 10, 2014

Got to be Good Looking, 'Cause I'm so Hard to See

Feeling kind of blah today. Why can't I get it right? It's this simple. Drink water. Eat fruit and vegetables. Exercise as much as you can stand, and then some. Simple right? Too bad nobody relayed this message to my evil hands. They must belong to a morbidly obese woman with how much food they try to cram down on a nightly basis. 

I'm fucking sick of this. I'm banning myself from dinner again. That seems to be the only way I can stave off the binge. I wish someone would kidnap me, tie me up for a few days and force me to exercise every day with minimal food, then release me unharmed three weeks later. 

Any volunteers?

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Let the Rain Wash Away, All the Pain of Yesterday

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I know I'm late, but I've been rather sick lately, and haven't been up to posting. The plus side? I'm @ 132 lbs this morning, and my appetite still has not returned. I'm still feeling a little week, so I'll go for now, but first, my new years resolutions.
1. 8 cups water per day, no exceptions
2, Ab workout every other day
3. stretch every day
4. Get down to 120lbs and stay there forever