Friday, December 30, 2011

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

 Oh my goodness! I saw dirty dancing for the first time in my life today and I am in love! Patrick Swayze is a hunk! ;) Oh my goodness he was beautiful. Oh and Jennifer Gray is my new inspiration. Absolutely gorgeous. For some reason, I fell in love with this shirt she's wearing. I am definatley going to make one of these out of an old shirt :) I'm so excited. This new year I am totally going to kick ass and tip my whole world onto its head. More to come soon. I can't wait!!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

This Morning

   We were laying in bed... Your hip bones, they're so sharp. Ya I know. Geeze, don't you feel them?? Ya...  (Nervous) they've always been like that. No matter how much I weigh. I guess mine are just bigger than a lot of peoples' Like they just curve out more ( Complete bullshit). Well, I like them ;)

Friday, December 23, 2011

Christmas Eve Eve

Whoo hoo!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited right now. I got this amazing App on my phone called Noom. It's this free weight loss coach thing that makes you post your meals workouts and weight each day. It sends you little reminders and gives you 5 tasks each day. It's pretty cool. I'm really busy with all the holiday stuff, so I haven't been posting lately. I'm also getting ready for the new year and all of my lovely resolutions. I'm putting together a big binder and calling it " Project Me" Its going to have all of my short term and long term goals and resolutions in it all separated by section filled with progress charts and color coded and it is going to be awesome! Hehee I'm so excited :)

Monday, December 19, 2011


sOOO  I"m reallly drunk right now. The bfs bff is here : finally, anf he said I was skinnier.  His exact wordsz were" skinnier, but not unhealthy looking lol" Fuck I'm so happy right now. He thinks I'm skinier. he noticed :)

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

It's About Time

Saw my mom today for the first time since August. First words out of her mouth, " You're too skinny. You need to eat more"  This is coming from the woman who always told me to stop eating or I would weigh 300 lbs by the time I was 18...

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Wednesday Deadline

 Soooo my bf's bff (lol) is coming back in town on Wednesday! I haven't seen him since maybe June? Idk but, I'm a lot skinnier than I was then. I probably weighed like 143 then, but now I'm about 128 :) My Bf doesn't really notice that I lost weight, because he's always around me, and I guess the change is too gradual for him to notice... Idk Anyways, I have today, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, oh and Wednesday day to lose as much weight as possible. Whenever he's in town, we always party sooo much and it is such a good time. I have 5 days to lose as much weight as possible. I'm doing a fruit, yogurt, and green tea fast since yesterday, so I hope to lose at least 1- 1.5lbs per day. I think I can lose at least 5-7lbs by the time he sees me. I'm kind of super excited to see his reaction, but like most guys, he probably won't notice at all. Let's aim for 123lbs by Wednesday, ok? That would be great!! BMI of 18.7 lol Why does it thrill me to be so close to underweight? 

Friday, December 9, 2011

Day 8: Visualize and Make Your Wishes Come True

 I really really really need a 5 year plan. Like, I have no direction or goals in life right now. Hmmmm I feel a major planning day coming on Tomorrow before work. This is kind of exciting :D

Day 7: Have an Egg. It's Good For You!

Day 6: Have a Good Hair Day!

Day 5: Get Your Finances in Order!

 I definitely need to make up a budget and stick to it. Living on your own is hard! Sooooo many expenses I never imagined before. Jeeze I need to get this in order :/

Day 4: Grab Your Dumbbells!

 As always, click on the pic to make it bigger so you can read the directions lol. This workout it great :) I like to use 5 or 10lb dumbbells bc I'm not super strong in the arms region. That's a problem lol

Day 3: Get Your Daily Dose!

If you click on them, they get bigger and are a lot easier to read :)

Yay! The Internet is back!!!

Sorry, sorry, sorry I've been MIA for so long :) The damn internet was f'd up for like a week! I'm posting the makeup days for the self challenge! Please forgive me <3

Sunday, December 4, 2011

My apologies!

Internet was down the past two days. I have to get a project done really quick and then I'll post the winter challenge stuff. Sorry!!!! By the way I came up with a new thing to do for motivation. Tie a piece of string snugly around my tummy, and then I am going to fruit and tea fast for a few days trying to keep the calories soooo low. Hopefully seeing the string getting looser and looser each day will be great motivation. Plus, I can't overeat, because if my belly starts to swell from eating too much I'll feel the string and it will make me stop :) I'll post pics each morning if I can.

Friday, December 2, 2011

What Body Shape am I?

Inspired by Skinny Ninny I want to know, what body shape do you think I am?                                             

Day Two: Have A Mission!

Here we go with day 2 of the Winter Challenge! This is exciting :) I'm having a little trouble staying away from the damn candy bowl. I'm super bloated right now, and I weighed in at 130.4 this morning :p ugh weight, go away! Anyways lol here are the pictures of the Self challenge day 2. I 'm going to try to just eat a salad at work tonight if anything, and I'll have bunches of coffee.  As for my mission? I'm going to have to think about it, and I'll get back to you later today :) What's your mission?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Amazing Website Alert!!!!!              It's so amazing! You put in how long you want to work out. If you want to work out at home or in the gym. If you want to work out for muscle gain, health and longevity, or fat loss (well duh! lol) and you pick what part of your body you want to work and it builds a workout for you with pictures and examples and everything! <3 It's amazing. Check it out!

Get Limber!

  Yupp so that's challenge for day number one. Do your stretches!! How did today go for everyone? I think I did pretty well, but I did eat a few pieces of candy :( Stayed under 800 though! So that's go. I decided not to have my after work snack with the BF and dessert to make up for the candy that I ate. I'm curious to know how many people are in on this challenge? Reply to this post if you're doing the winter challenge :) Here's a link with the rules if you are interested Click Here!! I weighed in at 130.8 this morning disgusting I know. Especially because I was down to 125.8  My goal is to lose atleast 2.5lbs per week with an ultimat goal of 4lbs lost per week. If I lose 2.5 I will lose 10 lbs putting me at 120.8 (not good enough) If I can drop 4 lbs per week, I will lose 16lbs and be at 114.8. I can live with that. That would be absolutely amazing. I need to get there soon. Just to be at 125 would be amazing. then 120. then 115. then 111. I can do this!

Just a Little Longer

I get out of class in about 2 1/2 hours and I will post the stuff for the first day of the winter challenge!! Be excited, this is going to be great :) My food for today Breakfast= 2 clementines (70) Lunch= chunky tomato soup with hot sauce (150) Dinner at work= small salad of lettuce tomato and Balsamic vinaigrette dressing (150) After work meal with the BF spinach(20) with feta vinaigrette dressing(50) and if I stick to this completely with no mess ups Lemon Italian Ice (100) for dessert <3 It's so delicious. That brings my total to 540 calories today! I'm telling you all this will keep you full all day and if you need a little something extra to keep you going. you still have 260 left over that you can use! The goal is to stay under 800 calories ladies. You can do this! 

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I Missed This :)

Yay! People are reading and commenting again :) I was getting lonely out here lol Any ways time to reply and answer. @ Lottie x Thanks for all of the support <3 It Means a lot @cthruthechaos I don't think there is a link for this challenge. I subscribe to SELF magazine, and they sent me a book with the challenge in it. Each day, I will scan the page and post it on blogger. I'm pretty excited to do this with everybody :) Awesome link too.  @ Per Essere Slanciata That definitely counts as working out! You have a tough job it sounds like. Where do you work at? I'm glad you're in on the plan <3 @valeriha92 Glad to have you with us :) Good luck @ Suzie Thomas Thanks for the tip! I'll be sure to hit the sit up machine at the gym tonight. I love that thing. @ednos Linny Great Idea! This is when I am officially starting  and will start posting the challenge, workouts, and meal plans!!! We will be skinny, beautiful, and wonderful just in time for the new year <3   Sooo that's the plan. This challenge starts on 12/1/11 and the challenge will go until 12/30/11. Hmmmm, weight loss competition anybody? Let me know if you're interested <3 Stay strong

Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Rules

                                                      Winter Challenge 2011!                                                 1. An 800 calories per day maximum  2.   For each 500 calorie increment that I exceed my calorie limit by = 24 hours of fasting starting the next day  3. No red meat or Pork  4. No chips, bread, rolls  5. No candy  6. Drink 8 glasses of water per day 7. Follow weekday exercise plan if you want rewards  8. Follow 30 day Self challenge starting tomorrow     9. Post your weight every single morning, post measurements every Monday ( Waist, hips, bust, thighs), post a progress pic every Monday as well :)  10. Fast as much as possible on Sundays  11. Take multivitamin and calcium every day   12. Wear a smile and dress pretty every day 13. Do nails once per week  14. Start a chore chart and keep on top of things around the house           Goals   1. Gain a lot of flexibility  2. Get in better shape  3. Six pack abs  4. Reach goal weight by December 31st   5. Thigh gap  6. Tighten the glutes   7. Be healthier  8. Get my life in order     Cheat Days:  1. Christmas Eve 2. Christmas day  3. New Year's Eve  4. New Year’s day
Do This challenge with me ladies!!! I will post the exercise plan and my meal plans for the week later tonight :) I really hope I can get some people to join me on this. It's going to be awesome <3

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Oh my Goodness!

 Just wanted to say, I am sooo happy right now. I was dancing in the living room, looked in the mirror, and actually smiled. Abs are crazy, hip bones jutting out like nobodies business. I'm feeling great about my progress. Almost there. Just a little further to go until I'm there :) Yeah baby!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Day ten: Do you eat breakfast? What do you usually have? 
I try to eat breakfast sometimes, but I feel like that's too early in the day to start having calories. I'll usually have a Monster Absolute Zero energy drink (0) and if I want to eat, I'll have a pineapple greek yogurt (160) That's really about it. I've never been much of a breakfast person though.

I think that when I first started this blog, Anorexia was like a game for me. I think that i thought that this was something that you could just choose to do for a little while to lose some weight, and then you you stop whenever you were done. I would stick to my plans for a long time and then just kind of drift away to normal eating for a while. I would sometime use "anorexia" as a compensation tool if I felt like I ate too much the day before.  I would take it too far sometimes, like this summer, and then I would let people take over and help me "get better"  Now, it seems so different. It's not a choice any more. Every day, every second, it's in the back of my mind calculating planning, scheming.  Sometimes, I have thoughts of getting better, eating normally, and it sounds so nice and wonderful, and I feel so happy at the prospect. Then, that part of my brain just shuts down and ana takes over. All thoughts of normalcy obliterated.  It's crazy how fast it takes over.  And you know what the kicker is? Nobody believes me. I've tried hinting, leaving evidence, outright telling people, and they just blow it off.   Fuck. And you know what? They tell me " Oh, you're so skinny! You don't need to lose weight! How much do you weigh anyways?"  Does it matter!? It's not about the number. It never was about the number. I'm not scared of being fat. I'm not scared of food. I'm not trying to control my life. I just don't want food. I want strength. I hate being so weak. Don't tell me this is just a phase. Don't tell me it's because I want to be skinny. Don't tell me it's because of images in the media. Don't tell me it's because I'm trying to look like a supermodel. Don't tell me it's a coping mechanism, because I'm living on my own for the first time, because my mom abandoned us last year, because my parents never cared, because nobody ever paid attention, because I was born in the wrong place in the wrong time, because I can't deal with the changes...  I AM NOT LIKE ANYBODY ELSE. I AM ME. I AM NOT THESE OTHER PEOPLE. It's not a problem, it's the solution. I don't know how or why Ana chose me, but I'm happier now. How long will this go on? I have no idea. Is this something I can sustain for the rest of my life? I don't know, but I'm going to find out.     
Until the lights fade. Until the flame sputters. Until all strength has failed. Past the point of no return. Hand in hand we walk towards darkness. 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Go Bananas

Week Two!

If you broke your unhealthy habit for one week, congratulations! Why not try two weeks?  
**Oops, I messed up one day, but I'm going to keep trying!
Weekly challenge: Get organised! This week try to plan tomorrow’s meal the night before.
**I always plan my meals. I write out my week in advance, but I'll keep doing it. Maybe I'll post my weekly meal plans on blogger? Good Idea or bad?
Day eight: Name 5 things you like about your body (you can do it) and the one body part you’d like to change the most. 
Hmmm, 5 things I like about my body... I love my long blond hair. It's almost at my hips, and it make me happy, because nobody can just decide over night that they want long hair. It takes a lot of time and patience. I like my skin tone, I'm pretty tan all year. My teeth are straight and white, so that's good. My tummy is pretty flat and I am in love with my hipbones :) My legs are the worst part of my body. Ugh they need work.
Day nine: What is your favourite food, healthy or unhealthy.
Lasagna and pizza!!!! Mmmmmmm I can't live without them :)

Celery= 30 Salsa=10 Dressing= 60 Pineapple= 70 Candy=28 Total=  208. I Really hope that celery really is negative calories. Then, I would only be at 178 for the day. If I am good, and can keep the food out of my mouth until right before gymnastics practice, I can have a banana peanut butter smoothie (165) before practice for energy. They are filling and delicious! Check out Skinny Ninny for the recipe. I'm going to make a double batch and make one for my bf so he see's me eating and doesn't worry.


So, Sunday I had Chips and salsa (400) Soup (400) And chili (300) plus some other randoms. Probably about 1500 calories all together. Not a binge day, but not a good day either. Yesterday I ate 1/2 banana (50) some candy (50) and a red bull (110)= 210 I can't believe I made it through 4 hours of gymnastics with only that. I'm finally under 130 again. 129.4  I need to get down as low as I can before Thanksgiving witch is on Thursday ugh I have 2 dinners to go to, and I don't want to look weird and raise suspicions by not eating, so I need to fast as much as I can before Thursday to counteract the damage I will certainly do. I think I'm going to do a fruit and veggie fast today and tomorrow because I have gymnastics again today and work tomorrow. I'm feeling so strong. It's crazy. I have a big pineapple to cut up and celery and spinach. Mmmmmmm I'm excited. I want to look super skinny and wonderful for thanksgiving because I haven't seen a lot of my family since august, when I was 143 (ugh, never again!) and as of this morning, I'm 14 pounds less than that let's see if we can get to 15 pounds less (127) by Thursday. I'll post a pic of my outfit and everything on Thursday, so you all can see my progress. I hope this works

Monday, November 21, 2011

Keep Screamin Till They Hear You Out

I really want someone to notice. To help me. To listen and really hear what I'm saying. Take action. My God, don't you see what's right in front of your eyes? How can you say I look the same. How can someone drop 18 fucking pounds and you don't notice? How can my bmi go from 21.7 to 19 in less than 3 months and you don't see it?  Fuck you all. Seriously. You have the nerve to tell me I look the same? Open your eyes damn it

Sunday, November 20, 2011

What an Asshole

Day seven: Do your friends and family know you are trying to lose weight? 
No, and if they did they would probably freak out and try to institutionalize me lol      
 So there's this new guy at work that everybody is obsessed with. he is going into the armed forced and I admit he's a handsome guy, but not my type at all. Anyways, we were all talking about what we ate that morning and I had a sandwich made of a beagel (270) amrican cheese (60) and a thin smear of cream cheese (15) = 345 That's all I was planning on having for the day. He was like , "whoa! That's a lot of calories and fat!" What a dick! I wanted to smack him in the face :( What an asshole ugh I felt so terrible for the rest of the night, and when I ate a blackberry (15) He saw and was like " Whoa! They just keep adding up!" Guys are so rude

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Tired Eyes

Day six: Have you ever been overweight or underweight?   
I don't think I've every been overweight, but last summer my weight was "dangerously low" 107 and they put me in the clinic and fattened me up. It didn't teach me anything at all... just made me want to get skinnier as soon as possible.                                                                                                 
 I feel myself getting stronger, gaining more control over myself. I am not going to weigh myself until next weekend and I have a feeling that I am going to be astounded by my progress :) I can do this. Even after slipping up a little bit the past few days, my weight still went down a little. This is fantastic.