Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Why?

You know, it really breaks my heart when I come across a pro-ana blog and their most recent post is from months ago and t is their farewell message. Their words just really cut to the bone and make you think. How can one person feel so much pain. Is living with ana going to be this hard for me? Will I ever really be happy? Why do we do this to ourselves when we know how high the price for "perfection" is? I have made this choice for myself and I know what the consequences are, but I hope everyone else has given this a lot of thought, and I want everyone to know you are not alone. We are in this together. We have to encourage each other and stay positive.Here are a few lines that really got to me:                                                                              "This is my last post. I've decided to choose life and living and being alive instead of just existing... we deserve happiness and love, but until we realize that, we'll never be free from the sadness and the loneliness and the desire simply to disappear... I couldn't even look at that tiny body I spent so much time perfecting... I've debated giving up this blog a hundred times but I find myself coming back here most days, but most times it's to remind myself that I'm not sick anymore."~Daisy                                                                                                                               It is with deep and sincere regret that I'm informing you lovely ladies of my indefinite break from Blogger...I deserve health. I deserve to enjoy food (and life in general). Is the purging going to stop tomorrow? No (I actually purged tonight). Am I going to stop taking laxatives or mentally abusing myself by next week? Certainly not. But I'm going to try my fucking hardest. I do not want to be this damaged little girl when I hit 30. Life can be good.
I am a good person.
Food is (mostly) good.
And most importantly,
despite the terrible,
horrible
things we do to ourselves,
we are good."
~Eager Enid                                                                                                                        There's a time and a place for everything And it is my time to get better If I don't I'll die, get better or die and I know that I will take it to that. I need to love myself.   ~Fighting to be Me   The rest of this week will be spent undoing everything from today and yesterday.
Basically I hate myself.Don't know when I'll be back on~ Pretty Deadly.                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

2 comments:

  1. So I definitely know what you're talking about... it's almost impossible to find ana buddies... i haven't had one in years :( stay strong, and keep to your challenge, don't give up! it may be hard but just think of the end results and it will make it easier!
    v. nice blog btw, not many exist anymore...

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  2. That breaks my heart too. I can't help but love those girls. And, admire them for the strength to walk away. I will admit that I think about it alot, walking away. I'm too scared. Thanks for posting this. We are here for each other. I'm soo glad for the friendships I have here. I wish I had all my Anas with me here right now. Love you!
    JP

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