I don't know where this magic comes from. Is it only Ana's girls who can see the glimmering , mysterious beauty that surrounds a life of nothingness? There is such an electric thrill that accompanies thoughts of jutting hipbones, delicately laced ribs, and perfectly protruding collar bones. I swear, when I have cut down to the minimum, been in control of myself, and been at my thinnest I am invincible. Nothing in this world can hurt me because I am not a part of this world. I float above in. My favorite kind of thinspo is the kind that is hazy, ethereal, enchanted almost. The kind that truly make me believe that extreme thinness is not so much a bodily condition, it's a place. The moment when I most clearly felt this was over a year ago when I first lost weight very quickly, about 11 lbs in 10 days. I was so amazed with my new body. I remember I woke up in the hazy light of early morning, and I was wearing a t-shirt and undies. My stomach was burning with hunger, and I reached down to feel my sunken stomach and the stark curve of my hipbones. I closed my eyes, and I felt my boyfriend reach down and run his hand gently over my hip and down across my tummy. He whispered in my ear, " wow, you're so skinny" and then he pulled me close to him. It's moments like this that I need to keep in mind when I feel myself losing focus. It's time to restrict like crazy. I don't care about safe or healthy. I care about thin. I don't want to hear about the risks, or the pain, or the sacrifices. Just thin please. This year , I'm really going to learn the meaning, of dedication, commitment, determination, and happiness. It's time to reorganize and get in gear for some major changes.