You know, I have a thought that always bothers me. Where do I go from here? I'm doing rather well restricting and I feel like I'm shrinking. The bones are starting to make a reappearance. The sad part is, I feel like each day all I do is eat, think about what I ate, think about what I'm going to eat next, write diet plans, write groceries lists, workout, make up new exercise plans, weigh myself 4-5 times, stare at myself in the mirror, and then I feel like I'm just waiting and waiting until the next meal. My whole life is just a fucking food obsession. I feel like I need to find some activities to do or something. So what happens when we get to a low enough weight? Do I keep restricting to stay there or can I eat "normally"? Is this all temporary or will it go away? When I get thin enough will the thoughts go away? How will I know if I'm thin enough? I hate hate hate this so much, yet I love it. There's something wrong with me...Anyways, here's a picture of me flexing after my workout yesterday. I really need to focus on my thighs. Oh and I swear I don't have a muffin top. It just kind looks that way in the pic because of how I'm turned. <3
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Fear
You know, I have a thought that always bothers me. Where do I go from here? I'm doing rather well restricting and I feel like I'm shrinking. The bones are starting to make a reappearance. The sad part is, I feel like each day all I do is eat, think about what I ate, think about what I'm going to eat next, write diet plans, write groceries lists, workout, make up new exercise plans, weigh myself 4-5 times, stare at myself in the mirror, and then I feel like I'm just waiting and waiting until the next meal. My whole life is just a fucking food obsession. I feel like I need to find some activities to do or something. So what happens when we get to a low enough weight? Do I keep restricting to stay there or can I eat "normally"? Is this all temporary or will it go away? When I get thin enough will the thoughts go away? How will I know if I'm thin enough? I hate hate hate this so much, yet I love it. There's something wrong with me...Anyways, here's a picture of me flexing after my workout yesterday. I really need to focus on my thighs. Oh and I swear I don't have a muffin top. It just kind looks that way in the pic because of how I'm turned. <3
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I'm sorry you feel that way girlie!! Stay strong xx
ReplyDeleteYou look incredible! I worry about all those things aswell, I think that we'll always be worrying about our weight and muscles etc, but hopefully we won't have to be so strict and we can help ourselves to the biscuit tin without feeling so guilty.
ReplyDeleteBy the way you look gorgeous!
Emily x
I think you look fantastic. Very toned my dear. It's hard to say when you get to the weight you want to, if the thoughts will go away. I know mine didn't. They still haven't. And I'm smaller than I wanted to be. Lots of love.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
You look amazing. I'm terribly jealous!
ReplyDeleteStay strong, dear. I think about those things all the time. I'm torn between recovery and the fear of gaining wait, or becoming lazy...
It's a terribly hard battle.
I hope you can pull through better than I can. xx