Thursday, September 12, 2013

In an Ideal World

Isn't it crazy, the little bubble called life that we create for ourselves? We put up all sorts of protective walls around ourselves, tack up a big list of rules and regulations about what we are allowed to think say and do. Here we sit upon our little throne peering over castle walls, watching for invading armies. If someone tries to break through our walls, we build them higher and stronger. If we let someone into our castle kingdom, and they infringe upon our royal decree, well then. Off with their heads! 

In the end, we find out the real enemy has been inside the walls since day one. She lives in the mirror. We will do our best to make her disappear. Justice be damned if we break our own laws.  The body must pay for the transgressions of the soul. We will attempt to crucify ourselves in a myriad of ways, only to find that the enemy will rise again. 

Born from the ashes of failure, we dust ourselves off and rise again, only to burn ourselves to the ground in the night. Day in, day out, we are trapped in this cycle of self destruction, only to find that the enemy can not be destroyed from the outside. Victory must come from within. 

How do we confront her? She does not react. She gazes back with her knowing smile. Cheek bones, clavicles, ribs, hipbones jutting against tight perfect skin. Feet together, thighs apart. What's her secret? 
Only one way to find out. 
She screams back at us in our own voice, making light of our suffering. Born of whispers, secrets, and deception, she is perfection.  Dressed in black and smelling of Chanel No.5, she coolly stares back, challenging me. How can I defeat this disjointed fragment of my soul? She is everything I long to be, yet I fear her. The only way to get rid of her is to join forces, and become one.  Teach me your secrets. 

I reach out to touch her upheld hand and she tilts her head to the side. In a flash, she gives a quick wink, grabs my hand and pulls me in. 

I am through the looking glass.


  1. ah there is so much truth to this post.
    beautifully written may i add.
    it's a shame that we must "become one" to earn some peace.
    i do hope there is a way back from going through the looking glass.
    i really hope so.

  2. Wow, that was beautifully written dear. So many thoughts and emotions through those words. I love it.