This is going to sound strange, but I always wanted to live during a terrible war, or in an orphanage, or be sent to military school when I was little. I felt like I needed a real physical challenge. I felt like I needed to struggle and persevere and prove myself. I wanted to be in a bad situation. I wanted a gritty desperate sort of life. I wanted people to look at me and see how strong I was. You know how you can just look at some people and know they've been through some shit? They have this sort of hardened look in their eyes. I think this is why I starve myself. This is why I fight to have a perfect tiny body. I want to prove that I can go without and survive. I'll take just what I need to get by, thank you very much. I don't know why, but I feel like this is it. This time, I'm going to make it. I'm finally ready to take the extra weight off and lose it forever. My lowest recent-ish weight was 125.8 ( That rhymed by the way :p ) I want to be at 125.6 by the first day of Spring (March 20th!) Every morning I'll wake up lower. Less and less and less until I reach perfection. I really need a new laptop, so I need thigh gap ASAP. I need to start running and jump roping again to slim my legs down. Spring starts in about a week with summer rolling in soon after. What are you doing to not be mistaken for a beached whale this year?
I'm dieting and exercising, my exercises consist of pacing with leg weights and arms weights for 3-4 hours. My boyfriend told me I couldn't use my leg weights anymore though. :( It upsets me so much! I need those. My legs are FAT!!
ReplyDeleteomg. this is so weird, but i've always wished i had a terrible time growing up too. i think for me though, it's more so i'd have an excuse to be screwed up now? i'm not sure. now that you've mentioned it i need to think about why...
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