Monday, June 20, 2011
Rehab Is For Quitters
So I have a confession to make. When I listed my weight for the competition, I said it was 135 at the beginning and really it was more like 125. I lied about my weight because what I saw in the mirror was sooooooo much bigger than that. My beginning BMI was actually 19.0 not 20.5. I kept losing weight pretty quickly and by week 4, I was down 6 pounds. This wasn't good enough for me, so I stopped eating anything but ice cubes and grapes, taking in about 150 cal each day and still going to 3 hours of gymnastics 5 days each week and working out like crazy any time I wasn't at the gym. I dropped another 5 pounds. I came home from school and my parents freaked out big time. I weighed 114lbs with a BMI of 17.3 They took away my laptop and I was basically under house arrest until I put on 10lbs. I promised to put weight on and not workout so much. I told my parents I lost all of the weight because of stress at school. They believed me. I kept lying. I started purging after meals, worked out at night when they all thought I was sleeping, I would say I was walking the dog while really I would pick her up and run while I carried her in my arms lol. She's a tiny dog. I would go out in our pool and swim as many laps as I could until I thought I was going to die. I lost another 7 pounds in 8 days. I was down to 107 with a BMI of 116.3 My parents had enough. They told me I needed help. I needed to go to an eating disorder clinic. My mom is a doctor so she went all medical analysis on me. They guilted me so bad that I sad yes. I was sent away for 30 days to Castlewood Eating Disorder Clinic and we talked about my problems, stopped working out, and fattened me up. Once I put on 16 pounds and kept it there, they told me I could go home, and they gave me a bunch of papers and books and doctors numbers and every piece of advice they could cram down my throat. ugh As soon as I got home I started packing up my things and I moved out the next day. I am currently living with my wonderful boyfriend who wants nothing more than for me to be happy. Honestly, being so thin made me feel good, and I really don't care what other people think about my weight. I'm back and more determined than ever to lose the weight. Today marks the first day of my successful comeback. I will be beautiful!