That's it, I'm out of here. I'm really not kidding. I am going to pack my bags and leave this fucking place forever. I need time to be just me. I can't be "us" all the time. Ugh I haven't been single for more than a month or two since I was like 15. That's 6 years of being "we" instead of "I". I never got to grow on my own. I've never really got to discover who I am as an individual. Can I even stand on my own feet?
WTF
I love my boyfriend, but as we approach 3 years, and the possibility of a ring, I realize there is so much surrounding him that I don't love. His history, some family members, certain lifestyle choices and personality traits. Some of these things I tolerate well, for now, but how about in 10 years. Should I have to compromise my happiness, and deal with this on a daily basis? Should I have to tolerate things about him? It's not like cute little idiosyncratic habits, it's fucking annoying. Sometimes, I can't even stand him touching me now. Is it worth it?
Idk what the fuck changed about me, but something is up. 1/5 life crisis? I'm not taking anyone's shit anymore. I'm so much more assertive and confident and honestly, I'm starting to actually care about my own needs for once. This is new...
As of tomorrow, I start my rapid plotting and planning, as only I can, and by my next birthday, I'm outta here. Important steps include, saving the money, picking the place, learning the language (thank you Rosetta Stone), and finding a way to support myself once I get there. I think I will begin with a spring semester abroad, a short visit home, and then returning to my new home country. I gotta leave this place. I wasn"t meant to live here. These are not my people. This is not my culture. This is not the way I want to live. Soon, I will depart this country, never to live here again.Should I tell my boyfriend what I'm planning and bring him along? Should I keep it all a secret until I'm positive about what I'm going to do?
I'm so sure and unsure at the same time about all of this. I need your advice please! What the hell am I supposed to do?
Go for it. When I was 23 I thought "fuck this shit," left Sweden and moved to the US. Best choice I ever made.
ReplyDeleteGo for it... there is no point in waiting around and being just meh about life... GO! Do things be happy!!! You don't want to have regrets later on in life when you are maybe married and unhappy about it
ReplyDeleteGo live! You are young! ;)