Hidden Treasure

Now that I'm back at home, I decided to clean out my room a little bit. I pulled a bunch of stuff out from under my bead and I was throwing things away left and right. Then, I came across some old thinspo pictures. I almost thew them away, but after glancing at myself in the mirror, I put the pictures up on my dresser to keep me strong through the holidays. Stay strong :)

Back at Home

Out of school for winter break. 39 days of temptation.Ugh this is going to be so difficult. The weight is dropping so slowly.

BRRRRRRRRRRR!

It's so freaking cold outside that it hurts to walk to class. With the windchill it's 10 degrees!! I really need to get a heavier coat.

Friday half fast

Visiting the family tonight and they want to go out to dinner so it's a fast all day until tonight around 6:30 day.
I hope that they don't try to force me to eat because that gets so annoying and frustrating. They need to just let me be.

Self Portrait

Age: 18
Height: 5’8”.
Weight: 138?.
Dress Size: 6? I'm not sure

Highest Weight: 144
Lowest Weight: 127
Goal Weight: 111

Favorite Diet Food: celery and flavored water

Favorite Binge Food: lasagna and mashed potatoes

Favorite Exercise:gymnastics and soccer

Favorite Thinspo: other gymnasts

Where Do You Slip Up? eating with family

Does Anyone Know? no
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day? I try to stay under 900
What Do You Think When You Look In The Mirror? Lazy procrastinator

Are You In A Relationship? yes

Are You Depressed?  no.
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide? no.

Ever Been To A Psychologist? no

I AM: 
[ ] anorexic
[ x] ednos 
[ ] bulimic 
[ ] living off diet pills 
[ x] hungry 
[ ] thirsty 
[ x] drinking something 
[ ] Under 100lbs 
[x ] fasting/starving myself

PEOPLE: 
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic 
[x] have called me fat
[x] have said I’m skinny
[x] have said I’m ugly 
[x] have said I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me 
[ ] force me to eat 
[x] say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more 
[x] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I WISH: 
[x] I was THIN 
[x] I had a better body 
[ ] I didn’t have to eat 
[x] I could control myself 
[ ] I was under 110lbs 
[x] I could avoid food 
[ ] I could hide what I am 
[x] I wasn’t fat 
[ ] I was pretty 
[ ] I could stop being anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I LOVE:
[x] feeling hungry 
[x] seeing a difference when fasting 
[x ] shaking 
[x] feeling airy 
[x] losing weight 
[x] being anorexic/bulimic 
[x] green tea 
[ ] diet pills 
[x] being able to turn down food 
[x] feeling good about myself 

APPEARANCE: 
[ ]I am shorter than 5’4
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes
[x] I have many scars 
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
[ ] I have a tattoo
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[ ] I have/had braces 
[ ] I wear glasses 
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free 
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger 
[ ]  I have more than 2 piercings
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears 
[ ] I have freckles 

FAMILY:
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents
[x] I’ve run away from home 
[x] I’ve been kicked out of the house 
[x] My biological parents are together 
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old 
[x] I want to have kids someday
[ ] I’ve had children 
[ ] I’ve lost a child  
[ ] I can’t have children

RELATIONSHIPS: 
[ ] I’m single 
[ x] I’m in a relationship
[ ] I’m engaged 
[ ] I’m married
[ ] I’ve gone on a blind date 
[x] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper
[ x] I miss someone right now 
[x] I have a fear of abandonment 
[ x] I’ve cheated in a relationship 
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced 
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t
[ ] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did 
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship
[x] I’ve been ‘the other woman’

SEXUALITY: 
[ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x ] I’ve had a crush on a teacher 
[x] I am a cuddler
[x] I’ve kissed in the rain
[ ] I’ve hugged a stranger 
[ ] I have kissed a stranger

BAD TIMES: 
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol
[ x] I regularly drink
[ ] I can’t swallow pills
[x] I can swallow numerous pills at a time without water
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression
[ ] I shut others out when I’m upset
[ ] I take anti-depressants
[x] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it 
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose
[ ] I’m addicted to self harm
[ ] I’ve woken up crying 
[x] I’ve lost weight 
[x] I’ve gained weight 
[x] My weight holds me back 
[x] Weight consumes me 
[ ] I’m at my thinnest 
[ ] I’m at my biggest 
[ ] I’ve lost weight and kept it off 
[x] I’ve lost weight but gained it back 
[ ] My weight affects my mood 
[ ] I weigh myself daily 
[ ] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me 
[ ] I thrive on compliments 
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size 
[x] I feel happy when I’m hungry 
[ ] I get depressed after I eat 
[x] I’ve skipped a meal 
[x] I’ve thrown food away 
[x] I’ve spit food out 
[x] I’ve fasted 
[x] I’ve taken diet pills 
[ ] I’ve used laxatives 
[x] I’ve purged 
[ x] I exercise 
[x] I exercise so I can eat 
[ x] I work out secretly 
[ x] I work out daily  
[ ] I’ve fainted from exhaustion 

I’ve done: 
[x] Weed 
[x] Cigarettes 
[x] Alcohol 
[x] Diet pills 
[x] Pain killers 
[ ] Sleeping pills
[ ] Anti-depressants 
[ ] Ecstasy 
[ ] LSD 
[ ] Mushrooms 
[ ] Speed 
[ ] Cocaine 
[ ] Other
 
HABITS:
[ x] I keep my eating habits a secret 
[x] I look at thinspo 
[x] I collect thinspo 
[x] I count calories 
[x] I’ve had negative intake days 
[ x] I avoid food 
[ ] I hate food 
[x] I love food  
[ ] I don’t want to be like this 
[x] I wish I could have more control 
[ ] Being thin is my top priority 
[ ] I am in treatment 
[x] I’m doing this for me 
[ x] I’m doing this for someone 
[x] I’m doing this to prove myself

Pro ana Buddies

I need some motivation. Any pro-ana buddies out there? Comment on this if you want to be buddies.

Insomnia

Can't sleep
Won't sleep
Need rest
Need ... want food
weak
useless
fat
ugly
worthless
imperfect
me