I Think I'm Growing

 Helllllo world! Sorry, I'm super excited about a lot of thing right now. First of all, I'm starting up that 20 day diet today. Today is 400 calories. I'm going to do a big dance/cardio workout at the house, my ab work, and then gymnastics practice. The plan is to burn at least 600 extra cals today. Breakfast was 2 clementines (80) I'm planning on making a big pot of vegetable soup from 2 bullion cubes (20), 1/2 a head of cabbage (50), broccoli/cauliflower mix (60), celery (10), 1 cup mushrooms (20), 1/2 cup onion (30), peppers (50) and water of course. That's about 250 calories for a huge pot of vegetable soup. I'm planning on just eating this for the rest of the day. I feel like this will keep me full all day so I don't even have to worry about counting calories because A) I probably won't be able to finish so much soup. This recipe is going to make about 6-8 cups of soup and even if I binge on the soup, I can't do damage  B) There aren't enough calories in it to put me over 400 for the day. I feel like soup and all fruit/water smoothies are going to be my best friend. Thing I'm excited about #2! I think I might be getting taller. At my gym, we have a section of balance beams that are under a lower part of the ceiling, and they're supposed to be for the little girls, because they don't have to worry about hitting the ceiling. Well, I work over there sometimes if I come in for extra practice and the other beams are taken. I could always stand on my toes while on the high beam and touch the ceiling, but yesterday, I was practicing this handstand pirouette thing on beam, and my toes kept touching the ceiling! This has never happened before, so I'm convinced that either I'm getting taller, or my arms are getting longer. I wouldn't mind being a little taller because then I could lose weight easier :) I kinda want to go measure my height. Hang on... damn, still 5'8'' Oh well, a girl can dream. I'm off the chop veg and make soup. Does anyone want to join my 20 day diet?

Might Be Worth a Try

The 20 days diet 

So I came across this diet on a blog that only has 4 posts and hasn't been updated since 2010.  Here's a link to the blog if you'd like to see, I found it by searching "pro ana foods list" on google. I'm about to go grocery shopping after gymnastics practice, so I'm trying to get a good list of negative cal fruit and veg.  I'm going to start this diet today, because I've only had a piece of toast (120) and a bite of omelet (50?) that my bf made for us to share at breakfast. What a sweet guy <3 So I'd have 230 calories left for today. Sounds good to me! I'll probably up the intensity of the ab workout though because 20 situps is nothing. Multiply it by 5? ok :) I feel like this is a great plan that I could easily stick to. My plan is to get down to 125 with this, stay at or under 125 for 3 days, and then add 150 calories each day until I'm at 1400  calories per day. That way, I can lose the weight fast until I get relatively thin (around 125), then keep losing weight gradually while steadily adding a few more cals each day until I reach a healthy amount. I feel like this is a perfect way to avoid gaining the weight back. Also by slowly building the cals back up to a healthy amount, I will be able to maintain a really low weight and be healthy. I'm going to try and make all of my calories consumed really healthy calories. Once I'm back around 1200 per day, I'll resume the ballerina diet because it's been so good to me :) Would anyone like to join me?

Day 1. 400 calories - 20 sit-ups
Day 2. 250 calories - 20 sit-ups
Day 3. 500 calories - 40 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 20 sit-ups)
Day 4. 100 calories - 40 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 20 sit-ups)
Day 5. 350 calories - 50 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 25 sit-ups)

Day 6. 200 calories - 50 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 25 sit-ups)
Day 7. 350 calories - 50 sit-ups (No breaks)
Day 8. Today you're allowed to eat everything - 100 sit-ups or more (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 50 sit-ups)
Day 9. 100 calories - 50 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 25 sit-ups)
Day 10. 350 calories - 100 sit-ups (It's allowed to take a break of 1 minute when you've done 50 sit-ups)

Day 11. 500 calories - 100 sit-ups (No breaks. If you have to take a break it's allowed to take a break of 30 seconds when you've done 50 sit-ups)
Day 12. 250 calories - 100 sit-ups (No breaks. If you have to take a break it's allowed to take a break of 30 seconds when you've done 50 sit-ups)
Day 13. 300 calories - 100 sit-ups (No breaks. If you have to take a break it's allowed to take a break of 30 seconds when you've done 50 sit-ups)
Day 14. 450 calories - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 1 minute)
Day 15. 200 calories - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 1 minute)

Day 16. Today you're allowed to eat everything - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 30 seconds)
Day 17. 100 calories - 100 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 30 seconds)
Day 18. 450 calories - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 1 minute)
Day 19. 250 calories - 150 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 1 minute)
Day 20. 150 calories - 100 sit-ups (When you've done 50 sit-ups take a break of 30 seconds)

There are a few rules when you are following this diet:
1. If you ate too much one day ( for example 100 calories) You have to take 100 calories away from the next days amount of calories.
2. If you really ate too much one day, and you can't take it of the next days amount of calories, then you have to take one of the two ''Today you're allowed to eat everything''-days away. Make that day a 200 calories day instead.
3. It doesn't matter if it doesn't go well the first time. Take a break of 3 days and start over again.

What I've Been Saying All Along!

A Little Personal Thinspo

I just wanted to post a pic of me lying down last night. Do you like it? I was so empty that my stomach looks concave.  If only it looked like that standing. Sigh... I love fasting. I only wish it had the same effect on my thighs.

You Hate Bein alone, You Ain't the Only One...

Navy blue blazer, white pants, nude/pink tank, clutch, cute heels, maybe I'll add some pearls. That is the reward I will give myself when I get to 125. This is when I will consider myself to be really thin. I'm imagining myself in something similar to the pic. Sigh... Any ways, I fasted for 24 hours now after a mess up last night. STUPID PIZZA! I worked an 11 hour waitress shift with no breaks on empty. I'm awesome :) I have another shorter shift tomorrow afternoon then it's off to visit the family, and try to control myself at dinner. Well, I'm off to stalk blazers online ... and white pants... and a clutch! I'm obsessed. Any who, what outfit will you all wear when you're finally "thin enough"?

I'm Livin' on Such Sweet Nothin'

Fasting tomorrow through Sunday. I am such a fucking fat ass slob. God! I wish I had some fucking control over my fucking eating.  I hate my self so fucking much.l I just drank a bottle of champagne  The whole fucking thing! My eating today consisted of an I hop pancake combo 1200 + pot roast (300) +  a small potato (50) + nut mix (200) = 1750 not including the champagne. I want to leave America. That's 550 too much and it's all bullshit calories. I swear I need to be locked away in a fucking prison. I am so damn worthless. No more food for me. I don't deserve it. Starving until <128 lbs. I'm such a piece of shit.  .I wish I was marooned on an island somewhere without any sort of foods. Just sunlight, surf and fresh water. Seriously, somebody come punch me in the fucking mouth so all my teeth get busted out and I can't eat anything. I just want to sleep until I'm thin. I hate this bullshit. Where is my thigh gap, hip bones and ribs?? Fuck you sunshine, you worthless piece of shit. You don't get food until you need it. You're too fat to eat for a few days. I hate me. I wish I could just cut all the fat off. I'm such a failure...

Hum Drum

Sorry for that little pity post the other day. I've been feeling so blah because of this sinus infection. Everything tastes and smells so weird, but it's getting better because of the antibiotics. I like winter for it's unique quiet magic, but I just want the sun to return. I need spring! Only 30 more days... Having said that, I just want to let you all know how much I really appreciate all of the loving supportive comments. When I need to just let things out that I can't say to anyone else, I know I can always come here without judgement. I've been sticking to my ballet diet which is about 1200 a day, but I usually end up closer to 900 or 1000. I'm going to wait until my period is over to weigh myself, because I want to be surprised. I'm seriously on the edge of thigh gap. that upper triangle of space is getting bigger, and my inner thighs are barely touching when I stand with my feet together. There's like a half inch of thigh that makes contact. Other than that, it's all space. Other than the fact that I pretty much have control over when and how much I eat, I've pretty much cut out all of the junk. The only junky stuff I've had in a week is some snack mix, and it's not really bad for you. Mostly nuts and pretzels in it. Ugh, my head hurts a bit, so I'm going to go lie down. <3 Sunshine