L is for...

I know that love exists
I feel it in the fluttering ache in my chest
In the fruitless flap of the butterfly's wings
In that deep, hollow chasm
Exactly where my heart should be

I shoot them down one by one

Hello All

Hey there...

Life has been a pain.
I'm sure you all understand that.

I have been hanging out at 123 lbs. for quite a while now
I want to be at 117
This is my goal for now.

I will post as soon as I can.
I will also add new pics.

How are you all?

So Yeah...

School has been a bitch lately.
I will update tomorrow when I have more energy.
Sorry about that...

A Question I Need Answered

I need opinions here people. and I will give my answer later.

The question is, 

"In your experience, are eating disorders a choice, or a disease?"

This question has been plaguing my mind lately...

Please leave comments below!

XoXo

Sunshine

Blame it on Blogger + Lots of New Photos!!

Hello Everyone!!

Did You miss me?

I apologize for my long absence.
I was not able to log into my blog for the longest time, and I finally have access to it again!!
I can not believe it has been over 2 months!

I have missed you all so much it is crazy!
I promise to post at least weekly from here on out :)
(but of course, life will inevitably get in the way)

I am between classes right now, so I will have to make this quick.

Updates:
I am still rocking the thigh gap daily :) It never hides from me now lol

I am still only weighing in on Sunday mornings

I find that this helps to keeps me from getting obsessive and disappointed, which ultimately leads to binging and failure. Sunday night is family dinner, which is always something heavy, so not weighing in on Monday and Tuesday is probably a very good thing for me. Also, i will have a whole week to correct for the mistakes of Sunday evening before I have to weigh in again :)

My weight now sits between 120 and 123
I feel like that is an amazing thing, but also, I can not afford to get complacent
As such, I am going to be fasting for 3 days between tonight at midnight, and Sunday evening at family dinner
Does anyone want to join??

It seems like in my absence, my blog has mostly turned into a recruiting ground for pro-ana buddies,
and this is fine, but fair warning, if you post your age, and you are super young, I might delete your contact information. I'm not trying to judge, but there is just something about 12 and 13 year-old girls getting their start with and eating disorder from my blog that kind gives me goosebumps...

Anywho... I would love to know how everyone is doing and any exciting updates??

I will be checking in on blogs tonight after class, and commenting as I can

<3 Sunshine

P.S. I'm not sure if I've posted any of these pics before, but there are some recent ones and some brand new ones so you all can see my progress :)

Vicious Cycle

"I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat."

I'm starting to get that dark eyes, exhausted, starving artist look. I only weigh in once a week now, but the numbers hold steady. Hovering just a hair above "underweight." I've never been so small for so long. Idk when I last weighed in above 125. It's scary how easy this is all becoming.

Sitting Pretty

Have you all noticed a shift in your set weight since all the Ana madness ensued?

Back before all of this, in my Senior year of high school, my weigh would sit between 135-140 

if I wasn't consciously trying to manage it.

Once college happened, and I became obsessed with the numbers 

133 was an amazing number, and anything above 137 was absolutely disgusting

The I dropped into the 130-135 range

and down 

and down

 and down

Now my weight naturally sits between 123 and 127 without me even trying to maintain

I guess my habits have changed and i just didn't notice

If I start to approach anything resembling 130, I panic and starve

last time I weighed, I was 123.6

I don't look any different, but i always feel like I can feel the bones in my face protruding

You can't possibly lose 14% of your body weight and not notice

idk, though...

I feel like I look the exact same, 

but with a high weigh of 143, those 20 lbs obviously went somewhere...